There will never be a picture of me on this site because you couldn't handle it. My image would force you to reassess all of your beliefs regarding the order of beauty in the world. You would be troubled for a long period of time, and then you'd give up every thing you had, shave your head, and start hocking pamphlets about me and my gorgeousness to unsuspecting people at airports and bus terminals. I don't wish to make you go through such an intensely internal reevaluation and life change. You're welcome.

There will never be picture of me on this site because whenever I see a picture of someone on their own blog I am instantly puzzled as to why that specific picture was chosen. Is that the best they've got? You'd think the blogger would take the time to find the most attractive, well-lit photo of him or herself, even pay for a photographer to snap a classy headshot, but in my travels this has not been the case. I know I'd do everything I could to ensure that my pic was by far the best picture of me ever taken. I'd go so far as to doctor it up if need be, as one can never have too many ab muscles, but that doesn't matter because there will never be a picture of me on this site.

There will never be a picture of me on this site, ever. But there will be pictures of other people named C Monks. There's one now, pictured at right. He's a handsome fella; nice eyes, confident disposition--he's a really ugly version of me. You see what I mean? There is no way you could handle seeing me. This C Monks is a musical conductor in Wales apparently. (I admire his repeated use of the word 'also' in the last two paragraphs of his web page.) There are a lot of Monks in Wales. I was there a few summers ago at a Henning convention and I looked up 'Monks' in the phone book. I was blown away by the numbers of them. Anyway, the Welsh C Monks has quite a good career in music going for him. I worry that he may be more famous globally than me, actually. It's okay to have fear. It scares you from turning weak. When I feel afraid I growl like a great bear to make me feel less so. Grrr. There, I feel braver now. From this point on I will live to do only two things: to become more famous, and to single-handedly destroy the career of Mr. C Monks of Wales. Who knows if I will succeed? But there's one thing I'm sure of: There will never be a picture of me on this site.