Today:
Partly sunny. A bit on the balmy side. Bomby, too. Sorry, that was bad.
High 65° F / RF 70° F. Low 46° F / RF 48° F.

Thursday:
Clouds and sunshine. I realize that's not much of a forecast. Usually it's one or the other, not both. Sometimes it's "partly cloudy," other times it's "partly sunny." I'm not sure of the difference, so I went with the admittedly ambiguous, but just as sufficient "clouds and sunshine."
High 65° F / RF 67° F. Low 42° F / RF 45° F.

Friday:
Plenty of sunshine. Don't ask me to quantify it, please. Rest assured, there will be plenty of sunshine. Don't be such a stickler. I'm not a licensed meteorologist. I know it's that obvious. I'm comfortable with that. They just hired me to do the weather because I'm hot-looking. Not "partly hot-looking," but "very hot-looking." I have plenty of hot, I do. I'm sizzling.
High 71° F / RF 72° F. Low 44° F / RF 44° F.

Saturday:
Warm with clouds and sun. Slight chance of a sandstorm by mid-afternoon. Thunder showers aren't out of the question either. A little bit of everything, really. The only thing I can guarantee is that it won't snow. Nope. Not a chance. I'm pretty sure, anyway. To be honest I haven't really done much research for Saturday because I've been focusing most of my energies into prepping for my audition for "The Best Damn Sports Show Period." I guess Tom Arnold had a drug relapse and they're looking for fill-ins until he recovers. If I play my cards right this could be my lucky break. Fingers crossed!
High 89° F / RF 88° F. Low 60° F / RF 65° F.

Sunday:
Mostly sunny and warm. Can someone say "Beach Day?" Again, I've never been to Baghdad, but my best guess is that there aren't too many beaches there. So go early. There's nothing worse than loading up the car, driving through traffic, and arriving at the beach to find the lot is full.
High 88° F / RF 89° F. Low 63° F / RF 63° F.

Monday:
Sunny. Now there's a succinct and direct forecast. Nothing ambiguous about that one. Sunny! Wear a hat. A visor at the least. I've never been to Greater Baghdad, but I bet the sun is wicked fierce. Of course by then the bright sun will be the least of your problems if you're there.
High 75° F / RF 77° F. Low 48° F / RF 49° F.

This post is dedicated to Benny Agbayani and the jet stream.