Well, it's a momentous moment: Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame members has now reached double digits. I can't help but shed a tear and rush to the podium to thank the ten people who have bravely and courageously and with enormous intestinal fortitude submitted their photograph to my site. I'm king of the world and you really, really like me. I'd like to thank all of those bloggers who've paved the way for someone like me to get to this pinnacle of my blogging career. So thank you Dorothy Dandridge, Paul Robeson, and Sydney Poitier. Finally, although I am proud of this accomplishment, I cannot accept this honor, so in my stead my Native American friend, Sasheen Littlefeather, whom, no matter what the gossip blogs say, is not my mistress, will deliver a non-acceptance speech I wrote on the back of my dinner napkin not but five minutes ago.

Sasheen Littlefeather:
"Note to self: someday you will be a big and famous blogger, C. Just keep telling yourself that over and over again. You will be bigger than the Instapundit and then finally he will reciprocate the same intense passion that you have for him--"

Me:
"Wait! Stop! Wrong napkin! Here is the correct one."

Sasheen Littlefeather:
"Dear Producers of Paradise Hotel, by not selecting me to be a guest on the show you have made the biggest fucking mistake of your li--"

Me:
"Hold a sec. My pockets are, like, teeming with napkins."

Sasheen Littlefeather:
"While we wait for C. to find the correct napkin, I would like to say that Melissa Rivers is a skank and she wouldn't know a stylish Indian Headdress if it landed on her fake tits. Don't ever approach me on the red carpet ever again, skanky skank."

Me:
"Okay, here it is. Phew. Read this one."

Sasheen Littlefeather:
"Mr. C. Monks regrets that he cannot accept this honor because there is still so much work on the table for he and all his blog brothers and blog sisters. Yes, we bloggers have systematically put newspaper publishing on its backside by exposing the New York Times for the trashy rag that it is. Yes, we were the first wave of super information highway soldiers who exposed Saddam Hussein as a murderous tyrant with a wacko son who has the hots for Jenna Bush. Yes, we cured SARS. Yes, we invented TiVo. And yes, we educated the masses on the evils of tyranny, disease, and the new Liz Phair album. Bloggers are the most powerful people in the universe and the art of blogging is akin to the work of Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, and Dale Earnhardt combined. However, we cannot stop here. Don't get me wrong: having ten brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude people proudly enter Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame is something to be proud of, but we cannot become complacent. There is more work to do. We need still more people from the Blogosphere to take the brave and courageous and intestinal yadda-yadda-yadda steps to become members of Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. We also need to redirect The Bush Administration’s attention away from the little African vacation trap that is Liberia and back towards taking over the Middle East, like us bloggers motivated him to do a couple months ago. In addition the Blogosphere must continue to strive to recall all rightfully elected Governors, to spread monkey pox over the entire countryside of our pinko, gay-loving Canadian neighbors, to make Pittsburgh Pirate Randall Simon understand that it's never okay to commit a hate crime against a woman dressed up as a giant sausage, and to use all our blogging power to get Dylan McDermott back on The Practice where his fine-ass body belongs. So, enough celebrating, bloggers--it's back to work we go!"

Actually, I, speaking through the lovely Sasheen Littlefeather (who I swear I have never fondled or groped in a "you are my mistress" type way), may have spoke too soon because we still need to honor today's inductee, Laura Golembiewski. So hold off on all the world-changing until after we've given Laura Golembiewski her due. Laura Golembiewski is a regular contributor to Utter Wonder's comment section, as well as a published author to boot. You can read work by her here and here and here. I first became aware of her talents when she submitted an erotic poem based on our president's State of the Union speech to me when I guest blogged for Neal Pollack. And let me tell you, she has quite the gift for writing erotic poetry based on State of the Union speeches. I can't wait too see what she does with future President Kucinich's State of the Union speeches.

So let's now do like we always do when we enshrine a reader into the Hall of Fame and gaze at Laura Golembiewski's photo for a time not less than five seconds. Begin.

She look scared to you? Hmm. I can't tell if this is really her or some photoshopped ad for "28 Days Later". No matter: whatever eeriness exists in the photograph is dwarfed by Laura Golembiewski's bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude for submitting the photo in the first place. And so what if we'd like to know just what the mean voices in her head are telling her, we won't let it distract us because today we bask in her glory for becoming the 10th person to be inducted into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame!

For her act of gumption, Laura Golembiewski received a singed copy of a letter I sent Star Jones. These fan letters are more than suitable for framing, and if one were especially creative they could make beautiful table linens from them. I'm a fan of beautiful table linens. But please don't let that sway you in how best to use or display your signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. You're getting ahead of yourself anyway, because you first have to send me your picture before I even consider sending you a fan letter. I'm glad you're dreaming about it all, but wake-up and get to work: send me your picture and let fame enshroud you!

This post is dedicated bein' in ecstasy when you’re layin’ down next to me.