***SCROLL DOWN TO BOTTOM END OF THIS ENTRY FOR UPDATES***

Magician and bedmate to the stars, David Blaine, begins his latest magical endeavor tomorrow. He plans on spending 44 days enclosed in a plexi-glass box hanging high above The River Thames in London. He won't eat, he won't sit, he won't sleep; he'll just hang from a clear box about 40 feet in the air for the entire world to marvel at.

If that's the type of stunt that floats Blaine's boat, then more power to him, but quite frankly I'm not impressed. Give me a month's worth of adult diapers, Gatorade, and lip balm and I'll hang in a box from anywhere. I once stood on an ex-girlfriend's front lawn for four days with nothing more than a half-eaten burrito and some Certs, so I could easily handle six weeks in a glass box. Only four days, you scoff? Well, when you factor in the advanced sprinkler system and guard dogs, plus constant harassment from my ex-girlfriend's mean boyfriend, Jason McHenry, you realize that I had quite the task on my hands.

But enough about my ex-girlfriend. Beatrice has been long forgotten by me. Sure for a while there it seemed as if I was scarily obsessed with her, but those days are long, long, long gone. I'm an entirely different me. I'm still able to withstand intense discomfort for long periods of time, mind you, but I'm also much more mature and self-confident. I like me and I know how much I have to offer those who are close to me. Beatrice would be lucky to have a guy like me now. But she doesn't. Instead she's married to Meany McMean Jason McHenry and living in some huge house where all the rich people live. She'll never know what it's like to be married to a fourth-tier blogger who writes fan letters to Star Jones on a daily basis.

Yea. You hear that, Bea? Star. Fucking. Jones.

(pause)

Breathing.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.

Okay. Found my happy place. All set to go.

So in honor of Blaine's "courageous" undertaking, I plan on taking a courageous undertaking myself. I will do nothing but sit by my computer and read the Instapundit's blog for the next 24 hours. Straight. No breaks. No surfing to other lesser blogs. I think that more than meets Blaine’s little box in the sky challenge. Moreover I think it will once and for all prove to Beatrice that I am a strong, strong, man and the best damn ex-boyfriend she’s ever had.

So I’ll be sticking with the Instapundit for next 1,440 minutes. From now until this time tomorrow morning I'll...wait a sec, 1,440 minutes? When it's put like that it seems like a much longer time. I mean, that's like 24 Paradise Hotels in a row. Ah, who cares--I can do it. I'm a raging ball of resilience and spunk. So bring it on, Instapundit! Bring on all your right-leaning-libertarian-techno-loving-blandly-dressed-white-guy views! Bring it on.

Now I realize I've broken my rule of never linking to the Instapundit for this feat. I hope all my 2.74 readers a day forgive me for this. It's yet another in the long line of sacrifices I will make to show you, and especially Beatrice McHenry, that I am a brave, powerful man capable of great things when he puts his mind to it.

So tune in throughout the day, Utter Wonder readers. I will deliver several posts in an effort to update you on my progress and to comment on all the "interesting" things appearing on the Instapundit's blog.

Wish me luck.

I love you all.

This post is dedicated to being ready for some football.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #1 (9:48 am):
I feel incredibly strong and raring to go for I am a powerful animal willing to withstand any and all posts the Instapundit has in store for me today!

His first post is a link to some guy who's talking about geeks and how they've taken over the world. What kind of thinly veiled propaganda is this? I dedicated my entire school years and much of my early 20s to fighting off any inner-geek urges, and now suddenly people are saying that geeks dominate the world? I don't think so. Oh, dear god I hope not.

The Instapundit follows up the geek post with his obligatory suck-up post to James Lileks. He cites a quote from Lileks's site where Lileks reflects on a recent experience at Target that reminded him of remarks Instapundit had made in the past about the department store chain. Basically Lileks sucks-up right back at the Instapundit. It's a regular suck-up fest over there. Get a room to suck-up in private, fellas.

Okay, that's all for now. I'll update again soon. I've never felt stronger. This Instapundiathon is the best idea I've had all week.

This Instapundiathon update is dedicated to David Blaine eating my shorts.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #2 (11:46 am):
Okay. Still coasting along for the most part here. Some hunger pains have kicked in, as typically at this time in the late morning I have eaten an entire box of Groovy Grahams, but I won't let that take my eyes off the prize.

So the Instapundit continues today with a link to some article about farm subsidies and how the WTO is going to address them at next week's conference in Cancun. Most of the info is over my head (after Old McDonald I pretty much know nada about farms), but what surprises me the most is that the article glosses over the fact that WTO conference is going to be held in Cancun. Cancun! Wild, wild stuff. I guess I totally underestimated the party-hardy skillz of the WTO. I wonder if many protestors will show up this time. If they do, I can't imagine they'd be that effective, what with all the party-hardying going on. Now that's a wet T-shirt contest I'd like to see!

The next link sends all of the Instapundit's cult followers to an entry on Josh Clayborn's site about the lack of anti-death penalty protests at convicted pro-life murderer Paul Hill's execution. It seems only fitting that the pro-capital punishment people would use Smith as an example to challenge the principles of the anti-death penalty people.

(Wow that was a sort of serious comment from me. Perhaps reading the Instapundit's blog non-stop is slowly making me reflect more seriously on events in the news. Hmm.)

The most recent post by the Instapundit (as of this update) alerts all his lemmings to a roundup of all the latest war news at some site I have never heard of, but which I'm sure gets hundreds of thousands of more visitors a day than mine. Of interesting note is that this is the third post by the Instapundit today where he has ended with a "witty" comment followed by an exclamation point. In this one post he ends with a crack at Dan Rather, which in my book is always A-OK!

This Instapundiathon update is dedicated to Beatrice McHenry biting me.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #3 (12:38 pm):
Am getting a little tired. No new posts by the Instapundit since my last update. Hard to look at a never-changing screen for so long. But I will not falter. I've clicked the "make a donation" icon a few times just for fun. It really isn't that fun of a thing to do, but when you're sitting staring at the same stupid blog screen for hours on end any change of scenery is welcomed.

This Instapundiathon update is dedicated to Jason McHenry being a Meany McMean.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #4 (2:43 pm):
Okay the Instapundit is back with more so here I am back with another update on the progress of my Instapunditathon. Before I get on with my comments on his latest entries I'd like to thank all those who have sent me their love and support via invisible brain waves. I say "invisible brain waves" because I haven't really gotten any real response to this endeavor, like through email or in the comments field or anything, so I can only gather from this that my readers and loved ones are sending me thoughts of encouragement via brain waves. The problem is I'm not quite the best receptor when it comes to brain waves so I haven't really been able to receive them. I've tried to stand on my head with a metal colander duct taped to my forehead, but that didn't work. So basically, thanks for nothing.

I'm tired and hungry and have to go to the bathroom.

The Instapundit's first post of the afternoon is a link to some woman who is complaining about the Third World not getting flush toilets due to environmental protection issues. Needless to say that this post didn't due my full bladder and colon any favors. Yes, I have a supply of adult diapers, but every time I try to put one on I get self-conscious and this puts the kibosh on any action down there. It really sucks.

The next post is an up close and personal look at the Instapundit's real-life job as law professor. He complains about his university’s bureaucracy, implies what a great teacher he is, and then spends a whole paragraph debating the plusses and minuses of car air bags without really being specific about either the pluses or minuses. I'm trying to think of a clever play on words to suggest that the Instapundit is not an "air bag" but a "wind bag" but I'm so nap and food and empty bladder deprived right now I'm drawing a blank.

The last post is a link to some blogger I've never heard who has a name that reminds me of every unattractive science teacher I had in high school. The guy seems real defensive about the war in Iraq and how the left has responded to it. What war in Iraq? The war is long over, my friend. It's nothing but party-hardy nation buildin’ up in there. Read the newspapers. Or better yet, get a haircut and some dermatology consultation, and then read the newspapers.

I realize I've used the phrase "party-hardy" on more the when occasion during the Instapunditathon. I apologize.

This Instapunditathon update is dedicated to wondering if your eyes will bleed if you stare continually at a computer screen for 24 hours straight.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #5 (5:16 pm):
I can't believe that it took me nine hours of sitting here to realize this, but my desk is an absolute mess. It's covered with markers left over from Doodle Week, as well as drafts after drafts of fan letters I've written to Star Jones.

God damn I'm ravished.

So the Istapundit has hit us with more of his wicked awesome linkage wisdom. He links to someone named 'Kate' who waxes rhapsodic on all the reasons she as a feminist hates Islamic culture. I bet she is a real big Lee Greenwood fan. I only wish more feminists would announce their love of our nation's most nationalistic one-hit wonder. Then the Instapundit quotes a section from some book that professes why "they" hate "us." It's an awfully long quote, that to be honest I only skimmed over, but I'm sure it will provide plenty more inspirational venom for the millions of war-agreeing anti-"them" robots that download the Instapundit's "praise whitey" rhetoric on a daily basis. Wait. Was that a bit too vitriolic? Oh well. It's hard not to be a little vitriolic when you haven't eaten or urinated in nearly half a day. The Instapundit sums up the quote by conjuring up Buffy the Vampire Slayer and referring to an earlier statement he made deeming Al Qaeda as "the Klan with a Koran." He now says that phrase is unfair to the Klan. I wonder how may Klansmen are sighing in relief now that the Instapundit has amended his original statement.

The Instapundit then moves on to poetry with a link to blogger haikus. For all his tough pro-war talk, the Instapundit strikes me as sensitive type of guy ready to shower his women with fluffy sentiments that rhyme and work that booty all at once. Here is my haiku dedicated with all my heart to him:

Oh, Instapundit
You are wicked awesome, man
Let's go kill some sheep

Okay, maybe not my best effort, but not bad for a guy who has felt the need to defecate for the past four hours with no closure. I don't know what "go kill some sheep" means either. "Sheep" was the first thing that popped into my head so I just went with it. Somebody, somewhere will ascribe meaning to it, I'm sure.

Then comes a link to Roger Simon's blog about longing for Jerry Rice's presence at the candidates' debate for Governor of California. Jerry Rice is cool and all, but what does an All-Pro wide receiver have to offer a political debate? It's bad enough that Gary Coleman and Gallagher and Ahnald have to muck things up, let's not muck it up even more with the inclusion of some prima donna jock...Oh, wait. Jerry "Brown" not Jerry "Rice". I must have misread it. Sorry. Damn. Idiot.

I wonder if these doodle markers are edible.

Finally, the Instapundit leaves us with another eye-opening nugget into his real-life world as a law professor. Apparently he's going to be quite busy doing some law professor type business and it may cut down on his blogging. Shhh. Listen closely: it's the sound of his minions weeping upon reading this news.

I am here for you, Instapundit minions. I. Am. Here. For. You. Stop and get me a sandwich on the way over. I’m a fan of prosciutto. Thanks.

This Instapunditathon update is dedicated to the three people who have left words of support and love in the comments field thus far.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #6 (9:14 pm):
Hi. Sorry. Haven't updated in a while. Have just been sitting here. Staring. In sort of a haze from not eating or relieving myself all day. I'm not really sure if I'm awake or asleep right now. Anyway, the Instapundit has dropped some knowledge on his blog. Let's take a look at what he's written.

He wrote at exactly 5:03 pm that he's glad the Bush administration has signed into law an act that eliminates prison rape. Of course he mentions at the end of his post that it probably won't do any good, but what the heck, give 'em an 'A' for effort on trying to rid our prisons of rape. I'm just thankful that the Bush administration has time to focus on issues like this, and doesn't have to waste our good tax dollars on worrying about how to fix the economy or to solve the numerous fiascos in the middle east.

I wonder what that Instapundit had for dinner tonight. I bet he's a meat guy. I bet he always has to have some kind of meat for dinner. Grilled meat. Sizzling, grilled, juicy meat.

The next post from the Instapundit links to a guy who has developed a computer program that will help social skillz deficient people be more chatty at parties. I'm sorry, but didn't Mr. Microphone already solve that problem? No, really. I want to know. Because if Mr. Microphone didn't solve that problem then I'm not nearly as popular at parties as I think I am.

After that, the Instapundit < ahref="http://www.instapundit.com/archives/011357.php" target=new>links the Volokh Conspiracy guy. Apparently he is a academic blogger as well. Whoop dee fricken doo-dah. Oh, and he's at Harvard this semester. That's right in my backyard. Perhaps one day I'll have him over for a barbecue and we'll eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. Then we'll pee and pee and defecate and pee and defecate and pee and pee and pee and defecate.

Then we have a link to an article in some British newspaper that quotes a spokesperson for the prime minister of Italy as saying that Libyan leader Mommar Khadafi wants to do all he can to help the United States because he fears that what happened to Iraq could happen to Libya. Yippee! Everything is finally falling into place! I can't wait to visit Hooters: Tripoli.

The Democratic Presidential debate is on my TV right now. I must be dreaming because everything is in Spanish. I suck at Spanish.

Following that link comes one to some 'econo-blogger' who's not jiggy with Californian gubernatorial candidate Cruz Bustamante's gas-pricing plan. I clicked to the link and immediately started to feel like I did when I took Intro to Economics in college: hung-over and retarded.

Oh god, I hope I'm still dreaming. If not then I just pissed on my printer.

Then the Instapundit links to a story that is too sad to even bother to be clever and witty about. However, "First class" seems too superficial a term for the hero in the story. Oh wait, right: I'm reading the Instapundit.

Finally, the Instapundit's last link seems to surprisingly enough sends us to a left-leaning site bemoaning on how the Washington press corps takes it easy on Bush. Wow. I'll never ever accuse the Instapundit of not ever being "fair and balanced."

That's all for now. I'm not sure if the Instapundit plans on posting more stuff this evening. I'll stick around regardless. My printer is starting to smell, but I'll stick it out to the end. Promise. No lie.

This Instapunditathon update is dedicated to food.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #7 (10:40 pm):
I will not order a pizza. I will not order a pizza. I will not order a pizza. I will not order a pizza. I will not order a pizza. I will notch order a pizza. I wilt nothy arder de pizza. I wiflt knowtch oprah da peeza. Iwilchnadaodorahpiazza.

This Instapunditathon update is dedicated to not ordering pizza.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #8 (11:28 pm):
Oh god. He's at it again.

This post of the Instapundit's links to some other blogger ranting about traffic-cams. Is this link really necessary at 11 o'clock at night? He then finished the entry with a link to some guy requesting people give him songs to make a mixed CD with. He's soliciting for everybody's favorite "do me" song. One person submitted "Jungle Boogie" by KC and the Sunshine Band. Damn it all to hell.

Yet another Instapundit post links to a site known on the blog streets as "Europundits" that deals with anti-Semitism. It's late, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and my bladder is the size of beach ball, so I won't be commenting on some right-leaning guy's take on how much of the left is anti-Semitic.

Doorbell. Pizza guy is finally here. I wonder who it is. No time to think about it, I best quickly see who it is!

This Instapunditathon update is dedicated to caramelized onions, pepperoni, and fresh garlic.

INSTAPUNDITATHON UPDATE #9 (4:44 am):
That's it. Done. Did it. No, really. I did. What pizza? Oh, stop. Silly printer. Stop saying such silly things, you silly printer you. Just because I peed on you and tried to drink from your ink cartridge you have to make wild, silly accusations about me breaking down and eating a pizza. Ha. Ha. Silly you.

Looks like the Instapundit has called it a night. It'll be hard, but somehow we must all figure out a way to keep on keeping on until he returns. I hope everyone has seen just how powerful and courageous I am. Beatrice, this means you. I'm totally over you, of course. But I see no reason why you can't be incredibly regretful for breaking up with me. I also think it's appropriate to be in love with me again. I mean, I just lived with the Instapundit for a whole day. What woman can resist that?

I love you all.

This Instapunditathon is dedicated to cheese glorious cheese.