Hiya, all. It feels great being back in the friendly confines of my own site. I had fun filling in for Neal Pollack last week, and from all indications it was a resounding success. Okay, that's a stretch, but at the very least nobody died, so you can't say my guest-blogging stint was a total disaster.

Anyway, I'm back and raring to go. While it's always great having an opportunity blogging before a national audience, I'm really at heart a small community theater type of blogger. Community theater rocks.

(pause)

So I've just spent the last five minutes trying to figure out a way to segueway from community theater to "Wheel of Fortune" and thus far I've come up with nothing. I hate not coming up with segueways.

Still, how I love community theater! I love its tight budgets and average, but enthusiastic acting. I love its middle school auditoriums and its tacky sets. I love everything about community theater.

I love "Wheel of Fortune," too. (Lame segueway sucked, I know.) I've been a "Wheel watcher" forever, way back to the good old days. Way back to when Woolery was the host, so I'm talking way, way back.

Alright, that's a lie. You got me. Man, you're good. I'm nothing close to a "Wheel watcher." It's not like I haven't seen the show a bunch of times because I have. However, it would be a stretch to call me an avid fan. I think it's kind of a dumb show, and although there were a few years in the late 80s when I thought that Pat Sajak was sorta witty, I've never really seen what's made him so especially popular. Same goes for Vanna White.

Okay, great, so thus far I've failed to find a good segueway, revealed a deep love of bad community theater, and lied to you about loving "Wheel of Fortune."
A stellar start to my blog week. Mondays are tough. If only my Red Sox had won! Damn it. I blame this post on Grady Little. Let's just make that official right now. If you don't find this entertaining it's all Grady Little's fault. He should have taken me out after the 2nd paragraph.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right: I was about to discuss how intrigued I am by this man's lawsuit against Pat Sajak for hugging him too hard while competing as a contestant on the show. (You see now? You see how I was actually going somewhere with this "Wheel of Fortune" business.) Wil Wright claims he was injured while appearing on the show a couple of years ago. After winning a puzzle, Pat wrapped his arms and legs around the guy and did everything but dry-hump him to show his happiness for Wright's victory. Pat's enthusiasm allegedly resulted in severe back trauma for Wright, and he's been in and out of doctor's offices ever since.

You think Pat does treats all the show's winners with the same sort of affection, or was this guy just special? I'd feel kind of gypped if I had won money on the show and didn't get almost dry-humped by Pat Sajak. Not like I'm "in" to that sort of thing or anything. I just think Pat's got to equally distribute his love. There's no word on whether Vanna played a role in the almost dry-humping or not. I think if I had to choose, I'd rather have Vanna almost dry-hump me over Pat. But I don't think that's ever going to be an option for me, so I don't really worry about it.

It would be sorta awkward having a famous person almost dry-hump you in public, though. I mean, there are not too many common circumstances where being almost dry-humped by a celebrity in public would be deemed socially acceptable. Unless of course, Anne Heche or a celebrity of her ilk did the almost dry-humping. You'd pretty much expect that sort of thing from Anne Heche. She'd be like all half-naked and whatnot, and speaking that crazy alien language, and before you'd know it she's be almost dry-humping away at you like some crazed almost dry-humping dingo.

With that being said, if I had to choose between Pat Sajak, Vanna White, or Anne Heche almost dry-humping me I'd have to go with Heche. I find her by far the most attractive of the three. And while the experience would be far more weird than sexy, I'd still like my almost dry-humping celebrity perpetrator to be someone whom I found hott.

Anyway, I hope it works out for Mr. Wright. Apparently he's been through numerous procedures on his back and his life hasn't been that much fun as of late. Talk about going from a high to a low. One minute you're being almost dry-humped by one of the most famous game show hosts of all-time, the next thing you know you're in traction and crying for yo' momma. I'm not sure how much of a case Wright has, but if he somehow manages to win, then mad props to him.

This post is dedicated to it only being pink-eye.