Time for another entry from my NaNoWriMo novel entitled, "Untitled Novel." Here are parts 1, 2, and 3 for those new to this masterwork. At the bottom of this entry there is exciting news about a contest regarding my novel.

Writer's notes: I've decided to forego my use of "Shaniqua" and "Danny" as substitute names for "Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily" and "Count von Hasselhoffer" because I've realized that to fully appreciate the power of my NaNoWriMo novel the characters' actual names must be read. My burgeoning metacarpal syndrome be damned. Alrighty, on with part 4.

Untitled Novel
by C Monks

After a long round of sex, Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily and Count von Hasselhoffer cuddled in a post-coital embrace. Out of breath, they talked small sexy talk for a while in an effort to keep up the sexy vibe they had going.

"You are the best candidate for registrar probate I have ever had," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily said.

"Thanks, me lady," Count von Hasselhoffer chuckled. "You're not so bad yourself."

"Hee-hee," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily giggled. "You're not so bad either."

"Ho-ho," Count von Hasselhoffer laughed. "Neither are you."

"You already said that."

"Said what?"

"You already said that I wasn't so bad."

"Oh."

And there they lay. Bound together not only by the really good sex they just had, but also by their drive to make Count von Hasselhoffer the next registrar probate of Hasselhofferania. Yes, theirs was a strong union, so strong that they felt there was nothing they couldn't pull off successfully.

"Hey, I know," Count von Hasselhoffer said suddenly, "let's make a amateur sex tape."

"Ooooo. Good idea!" Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily shrieked, clearly all tingly by the thought of it.

"Okay, I'll get the camera, you go dim the lights and put on way too much black eyeliner," Count von Hasselhoffer said.

"Sounds good," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily said, still tingly.

Within minutes the video camera was set up and Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's eyes made her look like she was a raccoon, or one of those marsupial type animals with those big black eyes often featured in nature documentaries.

"Okay, how should we start?" Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily asked. Her naked body glistening in the dimly lit room.

"YIKES!!!" Count von Hasselhoffer screamed.

"What's a matter?"

"Where has Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily gone?" Count von Hasselhoffer asked, still terrified. "She was here a second ago and now in her place is one of those marsupial type animals with those big black eyes often featured in nature documentaries!"

"Really? Where?" Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily asked. "I love those cute little guys."

"On the bed. Right there?"

"On the bed?"

"Yes! On the bed!"

"Oh. Wait; that's me."

"Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily?"

"Yes?"

"Oh, it's just you. Phew. Was scared there for a bit. Okay, so let's start video taping us having sex."

"Sounds good."

So they went at it: each determined to make the sexiest amateur sex tape Hasselhofferania had ever seen. Their bodies contorted into various positions, as they moaned and discussed pertinent campaign issues.

"Ohhhhhhh, yeah. I think we should pay for a few more ad spots on the radio," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily said."

"Mmmmm, that's nice, just like that. That's a good idea; I think it would be great if we could run a few during Crazy Wayne's Morning Zoo show," Count von Hasselhoffer said.

"Ohhhhh, right there, right there, right there! Yeah, Crazy Wayne is great and his show is listened to by a lot of young people. I think we really need to start targeting the 18-34 year-old voters."

"MMMMMM, OOOOOOOOOhhhh, work it girl, work it. Yes, my rival, Edith Stumplonia, is perceived as out of touch with younger voters. We should really exploit this for all we can. It may be the only way I can win the election."

Suddenly a phone rang.

"That's my cell phone," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily said, getting off the bed to answer it.

"What? You're going to answer it?" Count von Hasselhoffer said with shock. He feared he was about to lose his tingle.

"I'm not answering it, I just want to see who it is," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily hissed. Her naked marsupial-faced body still glistened in the lowlight.

"Aargh," Count von Hasselhoffer aarghed.

"Oh my god!" Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily shrieked looking at her phone.

"Who is it?"

"Yo' mama!"

And so closes another passage from my highly charged and scintillating NaNoWriMo novel. Yes, I know what you're thinking: you're thinking it's turned into a work of erotica. However, I contend that it hasn't. At least not yet. I mean, if you want to see some erotica then I can more than deliver it. I ooze erotica. But this novel is not erotica. Yes, there is an extended sex scene and a lots of sexual imagery involving kielbasa, but no, this isn't erotic. Rather, the sexy path the characters have taken is natural and true. The sexy scenes aren't simply sexy for sexiness' sake; they're developmentally appropriate to the flow of the novel. So cut me some slack. God. You write your own NaNoWriMo Novel and see if it doesn't turn into a sexacapade. Shoot. It's a lot harder than it looks.

Anyway, now to the news of the exciting contest I hinted at earlier. I've decided to hold a contest to name my untitled NaNoWriMo novel. The person who comes up with the best title will receive a prize. Just what prize I don't know yet. Maybe I'll let the winner decide. Something feasible, of course. No money or photographs or anything of that sort. Still, I promise the prize will be valuable and wicked awesome. You can write your proposed title in the comment section. Only one title per person. Thanks. Now go work me up a good title!

This post is dedicated to Neal Pollack going out on top.