Hi there. Have a good weekend? Good. Great. Me too. Okay, enough of that; neither of us really care, anyway. No, what we care about is another installment of my NaNoWriMo novel. Today we pick up the story just after Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily has offered to help Count von Hasellhoffer in his campaign against the evil Countess Edith Stumplonia for registrar probate of Hasselhofferania. If you're misfortunate enough to have missed the first two entries of my NaNoWriMo novel you can go here and then here to get up to speed. Believe me: it's worth the clicking. For the most part.

Now remember: I've substituted Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's name for the name of "Shaniqua," and I've substituted Count von Haselhoffer's name for "Danny" because it takes too long having to type out their longish names. I'll just cut and paste their original names in a later draft. Okay, on with the show!

Untitled Novel
by C Monks

Printing campaign leaflets was a taxing, yet rewarding experience for Danny (Count von Hasselhoffer) and Shaniqua (Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily). Together they worked, side by side, in pursuit of the same goal: to make the best damn campaign leaflet that any candidate for registrar probate of Hasselhofferania has ever had.

"This experience is taxing, yet rewarding," Shaniqua said, her hands covered in ink.

"Yes, but together we are working side by side to make the best damn campaign leaflet that any candidate for registrar probate of Hasselhofferania has ever had," Danny responded. "And please be careful not to get any ink on the rug. It's new."

And so they worked, sweating and bleeding and getting really inky, they plodded on until they both believed they had achieved their goal.

"I dare say this is the best campaign leaflet for registrar probate I have ever seen," Shaniqua shrieked.

"I agree. It's a brilliant leaflet that will no doubt help me unseat Edith Stumplonia as registrar probate of Hassellhofferania," Danny returned. "Now get your god damn filthy hands of the new rug."

Suddenly, Dame Maggie Peric Shaniqua's driver, Otto, emerged into the room. He looked angry and well-fed.

"You have no reason to speak like that to Shaniqua!" Otto shouted at Danny.

"Oh, it's you again." Danny said. " Did you enjoy the Indian food I ordered for you."

"Yes, very much so. Thanks!" Otto said. "There's nothing like Tikka Masala. Love the stuff."

"I agree," Danny said.

"Yep," Otto said.

"Indeed," Danny said.

"So anyway, stop being rude to Shaniqua," Otto said. "She deserves better than that."

"Okay. My bad," Danny said.

"No problem," Otto said. "I'm sure you're a little stressed with the campaign and all."

"Back to your cage, underling!" Shaniqua shouted to Otto.

"What cage?" Otto asked.

"Back to the basement!" Shaniqua shouted.

Otto acquiesced to Shaniqua's demand.

"I apoligize for my underling's behavior. Adequate underling help is so hard to find these days."

"No, your underling had a good point, Shaniqua. You've done nothing but help me since your arrival, and here I was going off on you but for a mere little accident."

"Oh, Count von Hassel Danny, don't worry about it," Shaniqua said. "Working hard on your campaign has helped me understand so much about myself. For the first time I feel like I have found some direction in my life. It feels so freeing! I've never felt so alive!"

"I can't tell you how happy that makes me to hear that," Danny said.

"Tell me anyway," Shaniqua said.

"No."

"Oh, come on."

"No, really; I can't. While you were talking I was thinking of a way to tell you happy your words made me, but I couldn't come up with one."

"Oh."

"Damn. It's frustrating."

"It's okay. I understand."

"Do you? Do you really think you understand? Because I don't think you do. I don't think you realize how hard it is being me."

"But Danny--"

"Arrgh!"

"What was that?"

"I 'arrghed.'"

"I know, but what kind of an 'arrgh' was it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, was it an 'Arrgh, I'm a big scary giant!' type of 'arggh'? Or was it an 'Arrgh, I'm a sad, lonely birdie' type of 'arrgh'?"

"Hmm. I don't think either."

"Oh."

"I've never heard of an 'Aargh, I'm a sad, lonely birdie' type of 'aargh,' anyway."

"You haven't?"

"Nope."

"Me neither. You want to have sex?"

"Sure."

So that wraps up yet another thrilling excerpt from my NaNoWriMo novel. I'm pretty satisfied with it. This section ventured into erotic novel territory at the end there, and although I'm trying to avoid falling into that genre (it's way too easy for me as I'm a master of eroticism), I think it works within the context of the story line, as well as in the characters' development. As always feel free to workshop this section in the comment field below.

For those of you keeping count I am a bit behind in my word quota and have some serious catching up to do over the next few days to get myself back on track of my goal of 50,000 words by the end of the month. So with that in mind I'm going to take a day off tomorrow to celebrate Veteran's Day and to watch as much daytime television as possible. I feel once I get that out of my system, I'll be primed and ready to hunker down and type up a big old bunch of words. So see you back here on Wednesday. Have a great holiday!

This post is dedicated to all the frickin' leaves on my lawn.