Well, November is here and that means that it's time for another round of NaNoWriMo--National Writing Novel Month, and boy, am I stoked about it! The goal for NaNoWriMo is to write an entire novel (175 pages; 50,000 words) by midnight November 30th. I think it's a worthy endeavor made all the better by the inspiration and support of others who are partaking in the exercise. It's a team effort, really, where all us fair to middling writer wannabe's can lean on one another and form a tightknit community of fair to middling writer wannabe's who write hasty, long winded pages of writing that only through the mass consumption of Coke and doughnuts can be deemed "novels."

Long have I felt that there is a a novel somewhere deep inside the bowels of my writerly mind. It's a burning sensation almost, like there is some fiery pit deep down in there that can only be doused by a sloppily thrown together collection of words. So I figure that this is the year to take that bull by those horns of his and ride him all the way to Novel Land. I mean, why not? I've written some long stuff in the past, so I know I can churn out at least 50,000 words in a month. It works out to like 1,700 words a day. That's chump change, G. Better yet, I've decided to start my novel right here on Utter Wonder. (You're welcome!) I do much of my best mediocre writing on my blog so why not start my best mediocre novel on my blog?

I'm so smart!

So here I go, venturing into the murky waters and treacherous plains of Novel Land. It will be a scary and intimidating voyage, but I know all my NaNoWriMo brothers and sisters and gender neutral siblings will all be by my side, urging me on and motivating me to write the best mediocre novel of all time.

UNTITLED NOVEL by C Monks

Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's carriage lumbered up the steep windy road which led to Count von Hasselhoffer's castle. The road was bumpy, too, and during the bumps Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's backside became sore.

"Driver! Oh, Driver!" Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily called to her driver, Otto.

"My name is Otto," the driver called back.

"Yes, that's all very well and good, but I am a Dame and I can't waste my time learning the nicknames of my underlings."

"Yes, me lady."

"That's 'yes me lady, sir.'"

"Yes, me lady sir."

"Good. Now please slow down the carriage. My backside is sore from the bumps."

Otto pulled the reigns on the big muscular horses that were pulling the carriage that carried Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily, her twenty seven hats, and him. The horses at first seemed confused by the command, but then they realized that they were just horses and couldn't be confused by such things.

"Driver! Oh, driver!" Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily called.

"Yes, me lady, sir," her underling, Otto, responded.

"When will we arrive at Count von Hasselfhoffer's castle?"

"We shall be there soon, me lady, sir" Otto the underling answered.

"Good. I am famished. And my hats need to be let out of their boxes to breathe."

"Would you like me to hurry up the horses that are pulling this carriage?" Otto asked.

"Sounds good," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily said.

With that Otto whipped the horses pulling the carriage with a whip like stick thing they used for whipping horses to make them trot quicker back in those days. The carriage slowly got faster and soon they could see the big, fancy lights emanating from Count von Hasselhoffer's castle. Its glow appeared warm and inviting, but that was only a facade masking a bitter evil that lay rooted deep within.

Ah, yes evil. The world was never free of it, and Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily had experienced her fair share. When she was but a wee Dame she was mocked and ridiculed by her classmates for having an abnormally sized head. They mocked and ridiculed her and one time they even called her a bad nickname that I can't think of right now, but that's okay because this is just a first draft and I will return to this section at a later time and think of a really cruel nickname to use. While in university Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily was the subject of a horrible prank by her peers when they switched hats on her and she was forced to wear a morning hat during a late afternoon cocktail dance. This wouldn't have been the end of the world if only Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's designated crush, Evan Timberpond, had not been there, and upon seeing Dame in the wrong hat, hadn't mocked and ridiculed her abnormally sized head.

But that was all in the past. Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily had moved on and she was a full-grown adult who had been free of evil for quite some time. Life was rosy for her. She led the good life. The high life. She was freewheeling and fancy free. That's why she was heading for a fun filled Veterans' Day Weekend at Count von Hasselhoffer's castle.

I realize that this year Veteran's Day falls on a Tuesday and hence there is no Veteran's Day weekend per say. However, this novel is set way back in the olden days and maybe in the year it takes place Veteran's Day falls on a Friday or a Monday. So there you go; it works for me.

"Aye, I am famished," Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily thought to herself. She hadn't eaten in hours and she hoped there would be a plate of fine meats awaiting her at Count von Hasselhoffer's castle. "I could really go for some kielbasas," she thought. She loved Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. I don't know what to write next so I am just writing "Kielbasa" over and over again so as to keep my writerly flow. I learned this in my Intro to Creative Writing class freshman year. It's called "free writing." I loved that class. Nothing like workshopping yours and others' work. Yes, there was jealousy and competitiveness, but by the fourth class the other students realized they weren't as talented or as good-looking as me and we all eventually went on to have a productive semester. I only got a B- because I refused to use punctuation. But that's another story. Anyway, kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. The forest the carriage drove through was thick with trees that had jagged little branches and no, no, no, no, that doesn't work. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Damn it. I hate getting writerly blocked. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily longed to eat the sweet meat of a kielbasa, she was a connoisseur of kielbasa really, as her family's fortune was founded on the manufacturing and distribution of the high-end sausage. Why you could even say that Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily was born with a silver kielbasa in her mouth. Pretty much a day didn't go by in Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's life didn't go by without having at least one long juicy kielbasa in her mouth and wait a second; does that sound sexual? Hmm. I think it could be construed as sexual. Damn it. I want to avoid making this a mediocre novel of erotica. That'd be way too easy for me. I could write a mediocre erotic novel on the back of my hand. No, I want to steer clear of the easy route. NaNoWriMo deserves better than that. I need to challenge myself. That's why I decided to write a period piece. Anyway. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. I'm hungry. Maybe I should take a break and get a snack. I've done a lot already, I think. The novel is off and running. Yep, I should make a pit stop and refuel. Let's see, how many words have I written so far? Let me word count it...973. Not bad. And it only took nine hours. I have whole fifteen hours left to write 727 words. Ha. Easy. Kielbasa sandwich here I come!

I hope you've enjoyed the first section of my NaNoWriMo novel. I think it went really well. Writing a mediocre novel on my blog excites me. I wonder if other people do it on their blogs as well. No, course not; it's too original an idea for someone else to think up. This brilliant idea reeks of Monks. Anyway, feel free to workshop my writing and/or heap it with praise in the comments section. Thanks, and see you tomorrow.

This post is dedicated to repetition and monotony.