ME: Avast, Matey!

CLERK: Hi.

ME: 'Tis a fine day to rent a movie, 'tisn't it? Arrr!

CLERK: Um....yep.

ME: Well, shiver me timbers! Arrr!

CLERK:

ME: Arrr!

CLERK: How can I help you--

ME: Aye, aye Cap'n! I's read ye loud and clear! Arrr!

CLERK: You do?

ME: Yes indeedy, I do! Us pirates don't need words to communicate with one another! Arrr!

CLERK: We don't.

ME: No, we can read each other through our peepholes! Arrr!

CLERK: Are you pretending to be a pirate?

ME: Aye-aye, Cap'n! Arrr!

CLERK: Because you just said "Yes, indeedy" and that didn't sound very pirate-like.

ME: What do you mean?

CLERK: I mean I've never heard a pirate say "Yes, indeedy" before.

ME: Pirates say "Yes, indeedy" all the time.

CLERK: I don't think so.

ME: Well, I do.

CLERK: Nope.

ME: Yep.

CLERK (to another clerk): Hey, Jason. You ever hear a pirate say "Yes, indeedy" before?

JASON: No, I don't think so.

CLERK (to me): You see?

JASON: Maybe like a gay pirate or something. I haven't seen that many gay pirate movies, though.

CLERK: So you're supposed to be a gay pirate?

ME: No!

CLERK: You don't have to get defensive.

ME: I know. I'm not being defen--

CLERK: Because I have nothing against gay pirates.

ME: I'm not a gay pirate.

CLERK: To each pirate his own I say. You have nothing to be ashamed of--

ME: I'm NOT a GAY PIRATE.

CLERK: Okay. Whatever. How can I help you, then?

ME: I'm here to claim my free "Pirates of the Carribean" DVD. That's why I'm dressed up as a pirate. A straight pirate.

CLERK: Oh. But that contest ended on Tuesday.

ME: What do you mean?

CLERK: It was only a one day contest.

ME: So I don't get a free DVD?

CLERK: No, sorry.

ME: So I'm dressed up as a pirate for nothing?

CLERK: Yes, indeedy.

ME: That sucks.

CLERK and ME (in unison): Arrr!

This post is dedicated to coming up with a better, but less detailed plan to overtake their fort.
(Be sure to click on the reindeer for today's blogvent calendar surprise)