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a star is reborn. Posted 01/09/2004 08:14 AM by cmonks in > am i okay?...ha-ha-ha--no, really...am I?.
Ooo-ooo-ooo yeah What was I thinking? I can't flick my obsession for Star Jones off like it was simply a mere light switch. No, no, my enchantment with her is far greater than my enchantment for mere light switches. I must have been suffering from some post holiday depression. That's the only way I can explain it. Ferrets? Ferrets are so 1997. And Campbell Brown? Well, I'll leave her for those with anchorwoman fetishes to worship. So many have tried So I officially reinstate Star Jones as my obsession. God, you don't know how good it feels to say that. Star Jones is my obsession. Wait a sec; let me open a window and shout it out to the streets...STAR JONES IS MY OBSESSION!...Oh, hi mailperson! No, I'm okay! No really, I am! I'm just crazy obsessed with Sta Jones! Why are you running away? Hey, come back! My subscription to Maxim starts today! I'm supposed to get a free poster of a hot actress I've sort of heard about with it, too!...Oh, well. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow's mail. No biggie. It was worth it. Just vocalizing that Star Jones is my obsession to the world--as well as to the blogosphere--feels so freeing. I love feeling free; that's what being an American blogger is all about. You know, I think if French and German bloggers could feel how freeing it feels to be an American blogger they would have joined us in our war against the non-free Iraq. I really do. Honey you are my shining star I've written a new fan letter to Star Jones apologizing for my mistake. I hope she and her aggressive team of lawyers will understand and accept my apology. I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank Star Jones's lawyers for the lovely holiday greeting card I received last month. It was an unorthodox holiday greeting card, for it contained no holiday greeting or references to the holidays, and instead was full of a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo that went right over my head, but still I am highly touched by the gesture. Honey I'll never leave you lonely I'd like to thank all who left comments objecting to my dismissal of Star Jones as my obsession. It's nice to know that there are people out there who are as invested in my obsession as I am. I think this proves yet again that Utter Wonder is not only a place for me to divulge my idle, clever and somewhat worrisome thoughts, but it is also a place for people to come together and tell me just when my idle, clever, and somewhat worrisome thoughts are coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. Honey you are my shining star So that is that with that. Yes, I know that line is borrowed from David Paymer's mob boss character in ABC's new hit drama "Line of Fire." I don't care. I think my use of the phrase is appropriate in this context. Especially given that I don't know what else to say. You see, I'm glowing. Glow-ing. Glowing because the bright burning flame of the Star Jones obsession that was inside me for so long has returned. I feel so warm and so free that I am speechless. Or wordless, rather, because I am not speaking I am typing, of course. Regardless, you know what I mean, right? Right? You do, don't you? Ah, I don't care. Normally I would, but today I feel so free and so warm that I don't. I'm going to watch seven TiVoed episodes of "The View" now. Bare-chested. Have a great weekend.
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Well, it's obvious I've made a grave, grave mistake. Upon reading several readers' objections, and after a lot of intense personal reflection, I've seen the light and now realize that there is only but one person, place, or thing I was born to obsess about: