Yes, another brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal person has stepped up and said "I want to be a part of something special" by applying for membership into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. Just one day of easy dog show jokes has gone by since our last induction, and already we're doing it again.

Something special indeed.

I'm asked all the time by the various voices in my head "What makes somebody brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal enough to take the plunge and apply to become a member of Utter Wonder?" I wish I knew. I think that's a question only the brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude members of the UWHOF can answer. Maybe it has something to do with understanding the magnitude of it all, and just how powerful it is to appear on a site trafficked mainly by people searching for the latest news on Nipplegate. I don't know. It's a puzzle. But a happy, fun puzzle that doesn't make one want to slam it to the floor out of frustration. I hate the Rubik's cube. Absolutely hate it. Played it all day yesterday. A complete waste of time. I thought it would be cool and retro to walk around all day with a Rubik's Cube, but man was I wrong. I basically just got flipped-out stares from people, and by lunchtime I was so invested in solving the frickin' thing that I forgot to watch The View. Naomi Watts was on. Damn it. I love Naomi Watts. I hate Rubik's Cube. Love Watts; hate the Cube.

I have no idea whether or not today's inductee loves Watts or hates the Cube, but I'm guessing he's in the same boat as I am. His name is Darby Larson. Those of you familiar with the high-powered world of online lit probably recognize the name. Darby has had several stories published far and wide throughout the internet. He and I share a bond as we were part of a group of writers who were trashed last week by the nefarious and presumably poorly dressed Victor Lembley. Darby even stood up to Victor. I watched all the turmoil from the sidelines. I hate conflict and avoid it all costs. That doesn't make me weak. Nope, not at all.

Right?

Anyway, now's the time during the induction when we stare at the inductee's photo for a time no shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-crocodile...

Two-crocodile...

Three-crocodile...

Four-crocodile...

Five-crocodile...

Good. What do you think of Darby's pic? He's awfully dressed up, no? It's about time someone got all pimped out for their UWHOF picture. Not to say that past inductees have slopped it up for their photos, but it's nice to see someone dressed to impress. Nice flower, too. Hey, wait: is that a Regis tie? Hard to tell cause the photo is in black and white, but it does have a certain shiny gleam to it. I'm a fan of Regis ties. They're so bold and shiny and whatnot. Actually, the more I look at it the more I think this is Darby Larson's wedding photo. He looks happy and uncomfortable; that's how I was for my wedding photo. My Lady and I had our picture taken in a park where a Pro-Life rally was going on. The photographer did all she could not to have poster boards of dead fetuses in the background. Well, regardless of whether it's Darby's wedding photo or not he still looks sharp. Even with that goatee.

I hereby officially induct Darby Larson into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For being as brave and as courageous and as chock full of intestinal whoop-dee-doo that he is, Darby has received a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. You too can have a fan letter of your very own, dear readers and Nipplegate addicts. All you need to do is send me an actual picture of yourself suitable for posting and your glorious road to internet celebrity will begin. So chop-chop: send, send.

This post is dedicated to National Guard service. No really: I have the pay stubs to prove it.