#1: Me (Last Week's Ranking: 1; Consecutive Weeks at #1: 1737)
My record for consecutive weeks atop my family's power rankings continues to grow, as yet again I proved to be the most powerful person in my family. This week I managed to do several special and powerful things, like eating all the remaining Easter candy and remembering to TiVo The Swan. God, I'm good. Some have asked whether it gets old being #1 week in and week out and I tell them that it doesn't. And they're like, "But surely it must get tiresome being so great and awesome and powerful week after week after week?" And I'm like, "Nope, it doesn't." And then the voices in my head stop asking silly questions and I go back and finish napping.

#2 'Lil Buddy (Last Week's Ranking: 3)
The battle for #2 between 'Lil Buddy and The Chosen One continues to rage on. This week 'Lil Buddy secured the two spot with his prolonged naps and minimal tantrums. He's also toned down his drooling some, and I can't let that go without some sort of reward. Would I like him to be a little less interested with stairs and the knobs on the oven? You bet. But the drooling was a major issue, and I'm glad he finally seems to have it under control. Was a drag having to constantly wipe his chin, plus I can't tell you how unsexy it made me look to have a wad of tissues in my pockets.

#3 The Chosen One (Last Week's Ranking: 2)
Some say I should cut The Chosen One some slack because he recently turned three and all three year-olds are as easy to deal with as a wolverine in a knapsack with a gun, but I can't let him off so easily. No, I believe in high standards, so I expect more out of him. Thus if he refuses to get my slippers in the morning or call me "PowerDaddy" then, well, he's going to pay the price in my family's power rankings. Simple as that.

#4 Attorney General John Ashcroft (Last Week's Ranking: N/A)
I know it always is a little controversial when a non-family member makes my familiy's power rankings, but given that I've been the most powerful member of my family for 1737 weeks running I think I can put whoever I want to in the rankings. John Ashcroft did his country proud this week by testifying before the 9/11 commission. Sure, he didn't take responsibility for anything and had a tendency to tip-toe around the truth, but come on: he ain't gonna go down like some be-yotch! The man has pride, and I give him my maddest props; he's like the great uncle I never had.

#5 My Lady (Last Week's Ranking: 4)
Up and down week for My Lady. The ups included doing our taxes and buying the Easter Candy; the downs included not getting my favorite Easter candy (Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs) and constantly forgetting to call me "PowerHubby." I don't get her sometimes. It's like she doesn't care about the family power rankings at all. When I post the results on the fridge she just rolls her eyes and asks me if I'm going to wear my pajamas all day again. How am I suppose to react to such apathy? I'll tell you how: hellloooooo #5.

Dropped from rankings this week: G. Gordon Kitty
Not a stellar week for G. Gordon Kitty as his incessant whining and complaining for food and water and other quality of life needs was particularly annoying. I thought cats were supposed to be easy?

This post is dedicated to block rocking beats.