Hello, pigeons: I give you the 24th inductee to the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame: Leonard Pierce. That's right; today's induction is so wicked awesome it doesn't need a ridiculously long and rambling introduction. I'm cutting right to the chase.

What makes Leonard Pierce so special, you ask? Why does he not get a long and rambling introduction, you wonder? Why does he get an opening sentence containing not one but two colons, you query? What's so great about him, huh? Huh? HUH?

Well, I'll tell you what's so great about him: he's the first not completely white inductee ever in the long history of the UWHOF.

That's right, you heard me: he's not completely white and he's joining the Hall!

As documented thoroughly throughout this website I have longed for a less white Hall of Fame since its very inception. While white people are supercool, and some even more so (Hi there!), nothing much good comes from them when in large homogenous groups. All 23 previous inductees to the UWHOF have been white, and the UWHOF is starting to look more and more like a Whitey Convention in Whiteyville. Nobody needs that.

So it comes with great relief that the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame is no longer non-whiteless. And this is all thanks to Leonard Pierce, a very brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude half-white/half-Arab man. Because of his bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude the UWHOF is like twice as diverse as it was yesterday. Wait. Is that the right math? If he's only half-non-white does that still make the Hall twice as diverse? Hmm. A quarter diverse? It's a puzzle. I hate math.

Let's just say that the UWHOF is now a lot more diverse. Can't tell you how happy this makes me. I love multiculturalism! Now, I know it might be hard at first for Leonard Pierce to feel like he has fit in, so I expect all the white UWHOF members to treat him with supreme kindness and respect. Please be sure to go out of your way to make Leonard feel liked and appreciated. Maybe you can start off by complimenting his culture for its food or clothing or something. I don't know. I've never really spoken to a half-Arab person before. I'm sure he'll like that, though. Who doesn't like having white people complimenting their culture?

I suppose you could also talk to Leonard Pierce about his successful writing career or his blog or his interviews with famous crazy men, too. But I think it's best to keep harping on how wicked awesome his half-non-whiteness is--for that's that best way for us to show how much we like and appreciate him.

So now's the time that we stare at our inductee's photo for a period of time not shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-Omar Sharif

Two-Omar Sharif

Wait a sec. Is Omar Sharif Arabic? Hmm. Oh well. Name sounds like he is. Loved him in Do the Right Thing.

Three-Omar Sharif

Or was that Danny Aiello? Always get the two of them mixed up.

Four-Omar Aiello.

Ha! See what I mean?

Five-Omar Sharif.

Alrighty then. Good. So what do you think of our latest inductee's photo? I think as self-portraits taken in front of a mirror go it's pretty good. It doesn't come off nearly as self-conscious as shots like that typically do. Yes, Leonard Pierce seems to be quite proud and sure of himself. And he should be. He's like the Jaquie Al-Robinson of the UWHOF! Okay, alright. Maybe that's overstating it a bit. I'm also remembering promising the first partially non-white person to apply to the Hall that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Guess I sort of blew that one. My bad. Sorry. It's just that I'm so excited. It's almost like I having my first real life non-white friend!

But enough about my boring real life: it's time to officially induct Leonard Pierce into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. So I hereby officially induct Leonard Pierce into the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame...um...officially! For his bravery and courage and intestinal boppity-bop, Leonard Pierce has received a signed copy of a fan letter I wrote Star Jones. The letter is authentic, virtually typo-free, and more than suitable for framing.

As always, the invitation to join the Hall is always open. Always! Just send me an actual photograph of yourself and we'll get the party started. What you waiting for? Send! Send! Send!

This post is dedicated to teaching the children well.