Before we get to today's brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude inductee, I'd like to announce that over this past weekend the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame hosted its 100th visitor. That's right, in just over two weeks of business a hundred people have wandered through the mighty UWHOF. That's pretty awesome. At this rate, in two weeks time another 100 people will have frequented the place! That's like 375 279 200 or so visitors every four weeks! Wow! Pretty soon the Hall will be needing amenities like bathrooms and a gift shop. I mean, people gotta do their business and buy frivolous tchotchkes, am I right?

But I need your help, pigeons and pigeonettes. You see if I am to sell frivolous tchotchkes at Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame I'm going to need some original artwork with which to adorn them. All the artwork and photography you see on the banners of both this site and the Hall's site is stolen. I just copied them from the informational superhighway and used them for my own purposes. (No telling!) I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is. So while I'd like to use those pictures and photos (because they have become synonymous with Utter Wonder), I can't since I don't own them.

So this is where all you creative types come in. I'd like to hold a contest to help come up with a new logo for the UWHOF. I'd make the logo myself, but given that it took me the better part of a weekend to Photoshop a Starbucks on Mars I think it's probably best to let somebody more skilled do the work. So if you are proficient in logo design type things I call on you to submit your own logo-type thingy for Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. Make sure it is wicked awesome looking and alive with the brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal spirit of the Hall. Also make sure it would look good on a mug and a keychain and stuff like that, too. And no teal allowed. I hate the color teal. Teal's for dumb, rich, pretty people.

Depending on how many entries I get, I'll post them and hold a vote to decide which logo is best. (If I don't get any entries, like I didn't get anyone's message left on Star and Al's wedding page guestbook--thanks for nothing, by the way--I'll just pretend this never happened.) The winner will receive a special as-yet-undetermined gift, and the right to negotiate with me for a percentage of each UWHOF tchotchke sold.

I'm serious about this, readers. It's time the UWHOF starts making some money, and I know the best way to do this is through selling cheap, frivolous items with a kick-ass logo on it. So send me your logos!

Alrighty, let's move on to the meat of today's entry: another UWHOF enshrinement. After today we'll be one shy of 30 members. Who woulda thunk it? Not me, anyway. That's why two sentences ago I put extra emphasis on sounding like I was a dumb guy from the country when I said "Who woulda thunk it?" No, I am one who didn't think we'd ever see 10, let alone 30 inductees. If I were weak and emotional the very thought would make me cry with happiness. But no matter what the graffiti on my back porch written by my neighbor's mean teenage sons says I am not weak and emotional, so I won't cry with happiness. Promise.

Today's inductee is Dan Burt. Dan is another in the long line of writers who have been brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal enough to enter the Hall. Dan's fine writings can be found in various places around the internet, and he also has his own blog with which to champion his own causes. It seems everybody has their own blog these days. Who woulda thunk it? Not me, and that's why I'm acting like a dumb guy from the country again. We're slowly becoming a planet of bloggers, and eventually it'll get to a point where we won't be able to tell one blog from the other. That's why my Hall of Fame is so damn important: it's what makes my blog the most uniquiest blog, like, ever.

So let's do like we always do for a new inductee and stare at Dan Burt's photo for a duration not shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-wood paneling

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Five-wood paneling

Nicely done. Alrighty, so what do you think of Dan Burt's induction photo? I think it looks like a cropped still from an adult film circa 1979. Perhaps he played a randy carpenter looking to hammer...um...something. Who knows. Regardless, I can't help but be impressed by all the tchotchkes on Dan Burt's tchotchke shelf. And whether he was having filmed sex by them or not, those are exactly the type of things I want to sell at the UWHOF gift shop. I especially like the shoe. I know for sure that if there was such a thing as an official Utter Wonder Hall of Fame shoe tchotchke people would be buying them up like crazy. There wouldn't be a tchotchke shelf in the country without one. I guarantee it. Yep. For shizzle.

With that said, I hereby officially induct Dan Burt into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For his bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude he's received a signed copy of a fan letter I wrote Star Jones. Once he frames the letter, it'll work perfectly with the other items on his mantle. No lie!

You too can be one of the brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal, just send me an actual photograph of yourself and prepare to be enshrined like you've never been enshrined before!

This post is dedicated to four days until my vacation.