Why are women beach volleyball players dressed like high-end Hooters girls? I'm not complaining or anything, but the men don't wear skimpy Speedo-like things when they play, so why must the women? It's not like the event is taking place on some actual hot and sunny beach or anything.

I want so hard to like Equestrian events, but it ain't happening. Perhaps if they substituted the horses for rhinos and the riders for sexy cavewomen I'd like it better. Eh, probably not.

Since when did they change the scoring in volleyball? It's all messed up now. No more playing to 15 or scoring only off your serve. Crazy. I thought I was up on the latest sports happenings, too.

I miss John Tesh covering the gymnastics. I miss his pure subjectivity and lyrical phrasing, like "Little girls dancing for gold." God, how I loved that. Made me tingle. TINGLE! Al Trautwig is a poor man's Tesh, without the Scientology and the marriage of convenience to Connie Selleca.

Watched some table tennis yesterday. It's hard to think of them as athletes, but whatever. One of the US guys looked like the guy who runs the deli by my house. I bet I could take him in table tennis. Although, he might have quick hands what with all the slicing of meat he does.

I need to make an addendum to my 16 names of glory. I forgot to mention German swimmer Heiko Hell. Awesome name. Go out there and raise some, Hell!

The swimming events in general have been fun. I'm in awe of Olympic swimmers, and not just because most of them look like that big gangly alien that came off the spaceship to greet Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Though, that is a big reason. Gotta go: have to build a replica of Devil's Tower in my living room out of mashed potatoes.

This post is dedicated to blisters.