I bought my first leaf blower yesterday, so you all can go ahead and bite me, suckas. My new leaf blower kicks fucking ass. It's called a "Leaf Hog". Fuck yeah. It's gonna blow away all the little bitch leaves in my yard. Plus it also has a vacuum option, so I can vacuum up all them little bitch leaves whenever my heart so desires. Can't wait to use the thing.

My neighbors are gonna be like "Damn, C! That leaf blower you got there is a monster!" And I'll be like "It's not a leaf blower, suckas; it's a 'Leaf Hog'." Then I'll blow all my leaves into their yard and go into my house and have a steak sandwich. It's gonna be swee-eet!

Never have had a leaf blower before. Have always used a rake. I don't know what took me so long to buy one. Must have been touched in the head for a spell or something. Rakes are for chumps. That's right: chumps. You use a rake, you're a chump. Simple as that. And don't bother trying to convince me otherwise, chump. A chump is a chump is a chump is a chump, chump.

I also got an extra hose attachment that connects to my Leaf Hog which sucks the leaves directly into a garbage can. It’s supposed to make my leaf-removal experience much easier. Can't wait to use it. Looks kind of complicated to set up, but I don't care: at least I'm no chump sucka with a rake, raking up millions of bitch leaves all day long. With my Leaf Hog and complicated-looking hose attachment system, it should take no longer than 45 minutes or so to clean the leaves up out of my yard. Fuck yeah! So while my chump neighbors are chumping it up with their rakes all day I'll be inside eating steak sandwiches and watching Leah Remini-The Baby Special on VH1. Suckas! I get to see Leah Remini shop for a crib while you all are going to chump town with a big ole pile of bitch leaves! Ha-ha! I win again!

This post is dedicated to a Orlando Cabrera.

***There is a new PHOTO***