Ad #1 - David Yurman: Kate Moss looks tired and sexy and in need of a hair wash. She wears a pearl necklace and a towel that looks to be made from seal pups.

Ad #2 - iPod Mini: Lots of cute little iPod minis all over the page. I bought My Lady one for her birthday last month. Seeing this colorful ad in Vanity Fair reinforces my belief that I am an awesome husband for buying her the thing.

Ad #3 - Gucci: Two blind women prepare to make out with each other. At least I think they're blind. They both wear big-ass sunglasses. Perhaps they just have cataracts. I don't know.

Ad #4 - Saks Fifth Avenue: Two more women. These ones are standing on some balcony in New York City. Unfortunately, they aren't making out. They aren't blind either. Each wears the same rhinestone encrusted shirt, but one is wearing a skirt and the other one jeans. The ad says "Saks loves it both ways." I have no idea what they mean by this. Is it, like, sexual? Jeepers.

Ad #5 - Estée Lauder: No people in this ad. Comes as some relief. Instead there are vials of beauty aids. "Do you know skin can be 'repaired'?" the ad asks. I think I knew this. Am not sure. Hadn't really thought about it. Perhaps I should think about skin more. I have okay skin. Still get the occasional zit every once in a while. Kind of embarrassing.

Ad #6 - Giorgio Armani: A skinny woman in a fancy dress standing on some stairs. Perhaps she's tired and taking a break. Stairs can be tiring. Walking up and down them in a fancy dress probably isn't a lot of fun, either.

Ad #7 - Burberry: A woman wearing a vinyl cover for a car shaped into a dress sits on a folding chair. She looks annoyed. I think she's at the beach. Whose idea was it for her to wear a dress made out of a vinyl car cover at the beach? I'd be annoyed if I were her, too.

Ad #8 - Bailey Banks and Biddle: No idea what this ad is for. The woman in the picture wears a big ring, so maybe it's for a jewelry store. I feel like trash not knowing what Bailey Banks and Biddle sells. Maybe that's the point.

Ad #9 - St. John by Marie Gray: Two photos of the same blonde-haired woman. In the first one she's standing by a pool with a bunch of bare-chested blind men. In the second photo she stands by some beach chairs with a blind man in a seersucker suit. She has one hand on his thigh. Perhaps she's guiding him around the pool. Wouldn't want him to fall into it.

Ad #10 - Dior: This one features a woman in a leather jacket with crazy wild hair. We can't see her face because her hair is so crazy wild. Actually, she might be in a wind tunnel. Is she an astronaut?

Ad #11 - Michael Kors: Hey, it's that model guy from Sex and the City. Neat. Good to see him getting some work. Surprisingly enough, he's fully clothed in every of picture of the ad. Did he ever wear a shirt on Sex and the City? In one pic he wears a tweed jacket while walking his dog with a tall woman. The dog looks terribly sad. I bet it's not his real dog.

Ad #12 - Jones New York: Claudia Schiffer leans against a motorcycle seat and wonders where it all went wrong with David Copperfield.

Ad #13 - Godiva Chocolates: A Xanax addict ponders eating yet another vanilla caramel square.

Ad #14 - M-A-C Viva Glam V: Five portraits of glammed-up women wearing "Viva Glam" clothing. All the women are famous. There's Missy Elliot, Liz Phair, Christina Aguilera, Shania Twain, and Boy George. Okay, so it's not five glammed-up women; it's four glammed-up women and one glammed-up guy. Stickler.

Ad #15 - Guess: Paris Hilton! And she's not having sex or doing something racist! Wow. What a coup for Guess to score Paris Hilton in an ad not having sex or doing something racist. I wonder how they managed that? Impressive. She's trying to open a bottle of wine by her crotch. Not sure that's the best way to open a bottle of wine. I worry that she'll put her back out and not be able to have videotaped sex or yell racial epitaphs at her black service people for a while. Heavens! I hope she'll be okay!

This post is dedicated to Cheney is Alive! (Link via Funnsylvania)

***There is a new PHOTO***