Well, it's been another wacky year in crime, as it's had its fair share of really dumb criminals. After reading the stories below I'm sure you'll agree that crime really doesn't pay.

5. Jim Tully (Madison, Wisconsin)
Tully walked into a liquor store with a shotgun and demanded all of the money from the cash register. After the cashier put the money in the bag as instructed, Tully demanded the bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. The cashier refused to hand over the Scotch because he did not believe that Tully was twenty-one. He swore he was, but still the clerk refused. Finally, Tully handed over his ID and proved that he was indeed twenty-one. As soon as he left, the cashier called and gave the police Tully's name and address; he was arrested two hours later. Dummy!

4. Toby Rucker (Louisville, Kentucky)
Mr. Rucker had just carjacked a 2003 Land Rover from an unsuspecting circus clown when he came to a stop light. Rucker waited patiently for the light to change, then made a right hand turn and headed for the garage where he normally drops off a stolen car. What an idiot! He could have gone right on red! He didn't have to wait for the light to change. There wasn't a sign telling him he couldn't. Loser! He made it to the garage and wasn't caught by the police, but still he was really dumb to do that.

3. John Cartwright (Seattle, Washington)
Mr. Cartwright held up a bank in a Seattle suburb and made away with over $5,000 in cash on October 21--wearing white pants! What a boob! Nobody wears white pants after Labor Day! Sounds like not just the Seattle police are looking for this guy, but the "Fashion Police" as well!

2. Jesse Phillips (Austin, Texas)
As a small-time drug trafficker, Phillips has done quite well. However, he wouldn't be one to ask for help with an English paper. While doing business with a U.T. undergrad, Phillips was caught saying "Big Ken and me will pay you visit if we don't get the money by Friday." How dumb is that? Pretty dumb! It's not "Big Ken and me" it's "Big Ken and I". Ha-ha, dummy!

1. Lonnie Rogers (Burlington, Vermont)
Rogers wins the dubious award for dumbest criminal of the year hands down. A former convicted sex offender, he's been doing his best to stay out of trouble. But if he continues doing things like he did on the night of July 17, chances are he'll be back behind bars in no time. Rogers was doing the laundry at the half-way house he resides in when he accidentally put his red turtleneck in with a load of whites. Hello, doofus! Hello, pink underwear! Hello, big, dumb Lonnie-the-former-sex-offending-stupid-laundry-mistake-dummy!

This post is dedicated to Kate Beckinsale.