Hi, readers. I'm taking a sabbatical from Utter Wonder this week so I can recuperate from a hard year of blogging and writing fan letters to Star Jones. In my absence, dedicated readers of Utter Wonder will post their favorite entries of the year along with appreciatory introductions ("appreciaductions") about the entry they've selected. Please read and love these non-new blog entries of mine all over again. - C.

"A man can do all things if he will."
- Leone Battista Alberti (1404 - 1472)

Alberti was the penultimate Renaissance man of his time (aside from Da Vinci, that filthy vegan). Skilled in Art, Latin, Architecture, cryptography, and even Law-- Dude had mad skillz at damn near everything he touched, and that's a lot like my man C here-- Mofo is a golden child of diverse triumphs. Not only does he write incredibly humorous blog entries daily, he also publishes stories and writes columns on other sites, maintains his sweepingly dominant position as the most powerful member of his household, and has time to blast some serious fall ass with the yard reckoning Leafhog. I'm jealous, I couldn't even graduate from beauty school, and that was only Six times a week for twelve hours a day. All I had to deal with was Paul Mitchell and snippy shears; C-Monks has cults, Little Buddy & The Chosen One, Xbox, dolphins, crabs (beach variety), THE MARRIAGE OF STAR JONES! Christ, I couldn't even tell the difference between split ends and damaged roots, and who the hell knew you could fry a woman's hair with too much dye anyway?

The Photoshop ability of Christopher Monks is another one of those mystifying Alberti-esque talents he holds in his arsenal of brilliance. Like a blow dryer or curling iron, he uses the heated tools of current events to fashion a keenly perceptive visual discourse, and totally shape out some nasty bangs with cut and paste. In the following selected passage, C waxes poetic in a triumphant visual/digital/prose combination of diverse style and full bodied narrative, cluing us all into the unjust nature of child persecution with the brilliantly subtle skill of Photoshopping babies in hair. Like a thunderous stick used to murder animals for delicious meat, and the steel shot used to protect yourself from the bloodlust of fluffy young (and also delicious) rabbits, C-Monks explodes onto the blogosphere with the following Internet Renaissance masterpiece: Blake Douglass Wants to Show You His Gun. Enjoy!

- Gene Morgan (UWHOF #20)

Blake Douglass Wants to Show You His Gun (Originally Posted October 15th)

Seventeen year-old Blake Douglass is upset that his school isn't allowing him to pose with a gun for his yearbook picture. All the Londonderry, New Hampshire youth wants to do is show off his love of skeet shooting, but the mean old school board has denied his request. They feel it's inappropriate for a student to pose with a firearm for a yearbook portrait. As a compromise they've allowed Douglass to use a different picture (without a gun) that displays his love for shooting things in another section of the yearbook dedicated to student hobbies.

Douglass, however, is still dissatisfied. His lawyer plans to file a complaint to the US District Court, and the National Rifle Association has said it will cover the expenses for Douglass because they see nothing in recent history that suggests teenagers and guns aren't a good mix. In fact, many in the NRA find the sight of a young man with a gun kind of exciting.

I myself do not. The sight of a young man with anything, let alone a gun, doesn't do much for me. But different strokes for different folks, I guess. I say, if Douglass wants to finally establish his rep as a top gun nerd at his high school then let him. I mean, if he sucks at football and never wins the science fair, let the kid have something he can be proud of. Who cares if it's recreational violence?

At any rate, I find it kind of hypocritical on the school administration's part, as they have let far worse things go in past yearbook photos. Blake Douglass "Boy with Gun" photo comes off tame in comparison. Here's a look at a few of the shockingly disturbing yearbook photos that the Londonderry School Board has approved:

Melissa Joe Babcock, Class of '53
At first glance, there is nothing particularly controversial about Miss Babcock's yearbook photo. She seems bright and pretty and perhaps even willing to make-out with you under the bleachers during sixth period. But then upon further examination one realizes that she's wearing earrings made out of kidney stones. Whose kidney stones, I haven't a clue, but kidney stones nonetheless. What kind of sick perverted person would wear kidney stones on their ears? Damned if I'd go to the prom with the likes of her. Okay, yes, if she asked me I would still make-out with her under the bleachers during sixth period, but I'd definitely tell her to take the kidney stone earrings off. Definitely.

Alex Myers, Class of '81
The guy has a nest of babies in his hair. How he got away with this, I don't know. Babies don't belong in nests and they sure as heck don't belong in Alex Myers' hair. I get the shivers every time I look at this photo.

Nelson Wolyiak, Class of '96
There are too many things unsettling about this photograph to list. Let's just say that it's bad enough to pose in your Cub Scout uniform for your yearbook photo, but to pose in your Cub Scout uniform holding an eerily realistic looking Joe Theisman ventriloquist dummy is like its own unique kind of horror. Wait, is that a Cub Scout uniform? Maybe not. Perhaps it's just some sort of military youth-type uniform. Looks homemade, actually. Yeesh. For somebody with a high-end yet freaky ventriloquist dummy that uniform is pretty tacky. I'd still make-out with him under the bleachers during sixth period, but he'd have to take off all those fake medals. I wouldn't want to get pricked and wind up with an affection.

This post is dedicated to Norway.

***The is a new PHOTO***