Thank god. For a while I feared that the UWHOF (Utter Wonder Hall of Fame) had died a silent death. There'd been nary an application for admittance in three months, and the Hall suffered its worst holiday tourism season since its inception. I made just $14.71 in gift shop sales. I had to lay off most of the staff and that was difficult because quite of few of them were imaginary friends I've had since grade school. Giving Boopie Bear the axe was one of the hardest pretend things I've ever had to do. But given the low revenue and the allegations that he planted hidden cameras in the restrooms, it was the only choice I had.

Despite it all, I still held out hope for the UWHOF; it wouldn't be brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal of me if I did otherwise. Surely somebody would come forward and submit a real picture of him or herself for display in the Hall. They had to. The UWHOF is too important a place because it makes me feel loved and respected by dozens of internet web surfers. So I refused to believe that the blogosphere had lost all its bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude.

Thankfully, it appears it did not. Or at least one person did not. Stephen Ausherman stepped up to the bravery, courage and intestinal fortitudinal plate and swung for the fences. And it should be mentioned that he looks very good in his uniform. His pants might be pulled up a bit high, but if a guy is proud of his calves then a guy is proud of his calves.

Stephen Ausherman becomes the 34th person to be inducted into the UWHOF. And as many before him, Stephen fancies himself a writer. Given his output I'd say he fancies himself correctly....did that sound dirty? Didn't mean it to. Sorry. My Bad....anyway, Stephen has published not one, but two, books, and has a third one on the way. In addition his work has appeared in many anthologies and litzines. If I were a weak man I'd say Stephen Ausherman has written the pants off me. But I'm not a weak man and my pants are not easily written off of me. I also lift weights and eat meat. I'm actually a really strong man...muscles...everywhere...okay, so I don't have a book published. No biggie. But I've written over 600 blog entries, though. So top that, Mr. Fancies Himself a Writer!

Anyway, now it's time to do like we always do and stare at the inductee's photo for a period no shorter than five minutes. Begin!

One-one thousand...

Two-one thousand...

Three-one thousand...

Four-one thousand...

Five-one thousand...

Well done. So what do we think of Stephen's pic? Or should I say, what do we think of Brian Eno's pic? Doesn't he look like Brain Eno? I guess it's hard to tell as it appears the photo was taken during an earthquake, but if somebody told me that was Eno I'd believe them. Man, what if it really is Brian Eno, and he was just pretending to be this fancy-pants writer guy so as not to bring too much attention to himself. I mean, if Brian Eno applied to the UWHOF as Brian Eno the press and paparazzi would be all over it. The blogosphere would have a field day. Eno is HUGE in the blogosphere. The Instapundit writes about him almost everyday. I think he's in love with Eno actually. Weird. Anyway, I'm going to believe that Stephen Ausherman is who he says he is (wink-wink).

I hereby officially induct Stephen Ausherman into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For his efforts he received a signed copy of a fan letter I wrote to Star Jones. By now he probably has shown it to all his friends, and he and John Cale and David Byrne and Laurie Anderson are all writing some performance art/music piece about it. Awesome!

You too, whether you're Brian Eno or not, can become a member of Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. Just send me a real photograph of yourself suitable for posting in the Hall and all the fame and glory you've ever wanted for yourself will be at your door. Probably.

This post is dedicated to ladybugs.