No real need for a longwinded intro for this induction. By now all of you are well aware that the UWHOF is a humungous overpowering force you best not reckon with. So let's just leave it at that. And stop trembling. That annoys the mighty UWHOF. Makes it feel self-conscious. Everyone is always trembling around it. Can't they see that although it's a humungous overpowering force it just wants to be one of the "guys"? It's so hard being mighty and magnificent.

Today's inductee is Jonathan Shipley, a writer who posts one story every day on his fine website. You also can find his work at places like McSweeney's and Yankee Pot Roast. After reading his pieces it will be clear to you that Jonathan Shipley is a study in bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude. Don't believe me? Jerk. Why not? Damn it. And this induction was going so well. Stupid. Anyway, if you must insist on not believing me when I say that Jonathan Shipley is brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal then I'll just let him prove it to you himself:

"I would like to throw my hat into the ring for possible inclusion in the marvel that is the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame. Why should I be included in the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame? There are a variety of reasons, several of which are listed here...

1) I once knocked myself out in the front yard by hitting myself in the back of the head with a baseball bat.
2) I once wrote a letter to Harrison Ford asking him why he didn't make any movies with Ewoks in them anymore.
3) I once drank half a bottle of cologne.
4) I like cheese.
5) I once waved to Nelson Mandela going by at a fast rate of speed in a motorcade
6) I've danced with Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady)
7) I enjoy the color orange."

There. That should convince all you nay-nays of Jonathan Shipley's bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude. The guy likes orange. That alone exhibits a level of bravery rarely seen. Most people think orange is for sissies. Not Jonathan. He doesn't care what people think. That's what makes him UWHOF worthy.

So let's do like we always do during an induction and stare at the inductee's photo for a duration not shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-one Mandela...

Two-one Mandela...

Three-one Mandela...

Four-one Mandela...

Five-one Mandela.

Well done. So what do we think of Jonathan Shipley's photograph? It appears he wasn't lying about enjoying the color orange. Even though the photo is in black and white, it screams "I ENJOY ORANGE" big time. I bet high school was hard for him, what with his love for orange and all. His life story must be inspiring. That's quite a watch he's wearing, too. It's gigantic. Perhaps he's far-sighted. Boy, he just keeps getting more and more brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal. I mean, he enjoys orange and he's far-sighted. Wow. The UWHOF is more than lucky to have Jonathan Shipley as a member.

And with that I officially induct Jonathan Shipley in Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For his bravery and courage and intestinal blah-blah-blah he's received a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. Jealous? Didn't think so. But all the same, if you'd like one of your own send me an actual-honest-to-god-truth photo of yourself and your brave and courageous and intestinal blah-blah-blah party will commence. (BYOB.)

This post is dedicated to clementines.