Hi peeps, peepettes. I'm back from another week's worth of vacation. I'd like to thank Gene Morgan for delivering another top-notch guest blogging stint. Thus far he's the only one who's bought a UW mug, and I think it shows. God bless him.

By now you've no doubt sensed a little melancholy in my blog voice. I tried to hide it, but there's no denying the hint of melancholiness in me. Yes, some of melancholinacity is due to another vacation gone, but most of my melancholynalia is caused by the realization that eating wise, I have let myself go. All this vacationing has caught up with me, or to be more exact, it's caught up with my gut, and as a result I return to you today downright doughy and melancholythetic.

In other words, I could stand to lose a pound or two. Or fifteen.

This is hard for me to admit because I've always prided myself on treating my body like it's a temple, a large, powerful temple with daily tours and a kick ass gift shop full of little knick-knacks that are awesome and reasonably priced. But over the course of the last couple of months, my temple has hit hard times. Attendance has dipped, the custodian crew has been on strike, and I've eaten 247 doughnuts.

I'm sure you've noticed the photo in the upper right corner of this post. It's probably been like a magnet to your eyes, drawing you back to view it over and over and over again. Like a big magnet. Well, it may come as a surprise to you, but that photo is of me. Yes, I know I've vowed never to post a photo of myself on Utter Wonder, but these are special and dire circumstances. Besides, it's not a photo of my face, and that's really what I meant when I made my vow.

Nevertheless, I'm sure the photo upsets a large segment of my readership, particularly those that are female because now they realize that I am neither Dominican nor an appendectomy survivor. I am sorry to disappoint you. I never claimed that I was a Dominican appendectomy survivor, but I guess when looking over the archives I can seen how a reader could come to that conclusion. Clearly though, as the photo of my abdomen depicts, I am not Dominican nor have I ever had an appendectomy. I mean, I guess I could be Dominican, albeit a light-skinned one, or a naturalized one who was born in Seattle or Minneapolis or some place like that, but I'm not. So there. And as for being an appendectomy survivor, I obviously am without any scars whatsoever. The round thing in the middle of my belly is my belly button and while I'm still unsure where that came from I can assure you it did not come from a surgical procedure to remove my appendix.

So, yes, that's me in the photo, and I decided to post it so as to shame myself into losing some weight. I figured by exposing my midsection for all its doughy wonder, it will make me think twice the next time I consider eating that fifth doughnut or cupcake. Or bon bon. I love bon bons.

Anyway, I'll periodically update you with photos of my progress as I attempt to return my body temple to a ripped and toned, um, thing. If you'd like to join me on my Blog Shame Diet, send me photos of your mid-section, and we can do this thing together, like Captain and Tenille, or Shields and Yarnell, or something.

So wish me luck. The next couple of months will be rough, but I feel confident that I'll soon return to the Greek God physiqued-blogger that all my friends and acquaintances are accustomed to. If not, I'm going to wind up being one big time melancholic.

This post is dedicated to Riki Lake.