Well, the UWHOF has its 40th member. I could write paragraph after paragraph about how my detractors said I would never get 40 brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal people to apply for the Hall, but I won't. Largely because there weren't any detractors. I suppose I could lie and say that there were. That would provide for a better story. But, I won't. I don't roll like that. Usually.

Nonetheless, 40 is a number to be proud of. It's a pretty big total. It's like if four people applied to the UWHOF ten times. When put that way, it really blows your mind, no? Don't answer. The Hall now has 40 more members than any other blog's hall of fame. This means I win.

I love winning. It's so much better than losing. When you lose you feel bad and dumb. But when you win you feel good and smart. So it's safe to say that I am feeling very good and very dumb smart today.

But today is not about me and how awesome I am; it's about our 40th inductee, Mark Vyvoda. There are a couple really cool things about Mark: (1) he has two "v's" in his last name and (2) his last name rhymes with "Vigoda." I particularly like the latter cool thing because I've been writing rap lyrics and have been forever trying to find a word that rhymes with "Abe Vigoda." Now I have one. So here it is:

Yo, yo, yo,
Abe Vigoda
I'll pop a cap in yo ass
Like I did Mark Vyvoda.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to have completed that lyric.
It means my rap masterpiece is nearly complete. I just need to write the rest of it. That's a good start, though, don't you think? Of course I've never really popped a cap in Mark Vyvoda's ass. I'm just pretending I did in the song. That's what all rap people do anyhow, pretend things in their songs. I myself love pretending.

But there's no pretending Mark Vyvoda's bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude. So now let's do like we always do during an induction and stare at Mark's photo for a minimum of five seconds. Begin!

One-Mark Vyvoda...

Two-Abe Vigodas...

Three-Ron Swobodas...

Four-calling Yodas...

Five-golden ring-odas...

Well done! What do we think of Mark Vyvoda's photo? I think he looks like the sort who couldn't handle a pop getting capped in his ass, emotionally, anyway. That doesn't mean I don't think he's brave and courageous and intestinally blah-blah-blah. On the contrary. I mean, look: he has a wrench over his doorway. If that's not a sign of toughness I don't know what is. That wrench could fall and hit him at any time. Don't quite know how he lives like that. If that were me I'd avoid that doorway big time. It would suck, too, because it looks like it's the doorway to the kitchen. How would I eat? Guess I'd have to get takeout every night. Could be worse, I suppose. But it would be particularly hard if I was on a diet (like I am now) because there aren't a lot of low-fat options takeout-wise. Yeah, I could get a salad at my local Stop and Shop's salad bar, but I'd get tired of that fast. Plus I'd have to stare into that sneeze guard every night. Yikes.

Regardless, Mark Vyvoda will make a fine member of the UWHOF. So without further ado I officially induct him into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For his efforts he will receive (once my scanner is fixed) a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones that any UWHOF inductee will tell you is more than suitable for framing.

If you yourself are feeling especially brave or courageous or intestinal fortitudinal why not prove it and apply for the Hall. All you have to do is send me an actual, honest to goodneess true photo of yourself and the rest will be blogistory. Don't believe me? Well, check my mad lyrics then, yo:

Yo, yo, yo
You best apply to the Hall
Or I'll pop a cap in your ass
Like I did Hal Linden

Okay, um, I may have to work on that one a little more.