Utter Wonder: The Idle Thoughts Of C. Monks

My Massive Robotic NASA Arm (A short story based on suggestions from Utter Wonder visitors).

Posted 08/04/2005 08:07 AM by Gene in > animal, vegetable, or suicide girl?.

[the suggestions were made on this day. Also, this story has been edited. Twice.]

Went to the mall today. Bought some boxer briefs and an Icee. Came so close to getting that new Liz Phair album, but Sean Carman told me it sucked. Stopped into the arcade and lost to some punk kid at Street Fighter II. It's hard for me to push the buttons at the right time. Arm Destroyed Street Fighter machine.

Saw a friend's band play some heavy metal. Dudes blew some ass out the door and onto the floor with a nasty version of "Walk the Dinosaur". Total madness. I wish someone else would have come with me. People don't want to talk to the guy with nine tons of space steel strapped to his body.

Broke the lead singers arm when I gave him a high-five.

Laid around with my dog and read while it was raining. H. P. Lovecraft isn't so scary, but his characters have a certain lovable horror that makes them endearing.

Crushed dog with arm.

Jdogg's pool party was almost fun. Massive robotic prostheses scare most women and children. Accidentally pulled power lines into pool. Three dead.

Dropped my coffee mug at the coffee shop. I'm losing it. Is it too much to ask for a coffee mug big enough for a friggin' giant robotic arm?

Spilt coffee on arm, and short circuited it. Desroyed a city block and beat up old ladies. Also, I set the orphanage on fire.

A preview for "Murderball" came on the television in the bar. Looks like a thrilling and insightful film about the perseverance of human spirit in the face of physical handicap. Previews are a great way to generate revenue for feature films.

For the most part I just got drunk, alone. Crumpled my beer cans into tiny aluminum balls, and shot them out the window at pedestrians with my arm. Picking them off, one by one.

At this point in the story, I would probably go way over the top, killing and burning all sorts of things, but I'm tired of making it "funny". Even if my insecurity and OCD say I could do better. Writing stories is different from blogging. I think I'll just blog for a bit. Maybe into tomorrow.

Anyone wanna go swimming this afternoon? It's hot here in Houston.

Comments.

Mission Control had told us about the foam problem after we were safely in orbit. "A massive chunk hit the underside, near the nose gear," the controller said. Houston was advising that re-entry was impossible. Impossible, that is, without a dangerous spacewalk to repair the damage. We looked around the shuttle. The stress of lift-off, and of this latest discovery, had taken their toll. None of us wanted to volunteer. Then, near the back, we saw a man we hadn't seen before. He was wearing a grey t-shirt with a brain with arms and legs in a strongman's pose. "Hey," Commander Scoby said, "aren't you the man behind the weblog 'Utter Wonder'?" "The name's Monks," he said. "Chris Monks. And if you don't mind, I'll repair those tiles." Later, as we celebrated with our families at Goddard, and accepted the congratulations of the President, I looked around for the mysterious figure who had saved our lives. Where had he come from? His name wasn't on the mission log. And where had he gone? I don't know if I would have found the words to say 'thank you,' but it didn't matter. He was gone. Maybe he was off writing his next blog entry. Maybe he was saving someone else in the throes of peril. Wherever he is, I say to him, "Thank you, Chris Monks. Thank you."

Posted by: Sean Carman at 08/04/2005 10:02 AM

Sean you saved this post! :) Good Job. Monks as a super hero Yeah!

Posted by: anangke at 08/04/2005 01:45 PM

That's his purpose. To cover my humorless ass.

Posted by: Gene at 08/04/2005 01:48 PM

I'd bet he repaired the shuttle with a few Utter Wonder magnets, an enormous Utter Wonder mug, and used an Utter Wonder Ringer-T for thermal wadding between the tiles! Plus, he'd have brought his own robotic arm.

Posted by: Orb at 08/04/2005 03:05 PM