"Please, sir," Officer Shelton pleaded, "let us pass."

C Monks looked at Officer Shelton skeptically, but he could not help be swayed by the fact that Zooey Deschanel wanted to pass as well. She looked at him with her big, really pretty underrated actress eyes and C wanted to melt. Suddenly it didn't matter that he had waited in line nearly a day for an XBOX 360 or that he had spent his entire month writing his masterwork for a largely indifferent audience, Zooey Deschanel was there, in his presence, and she was really pretty and a very underrated actress.

"If I let you guys pass, what will you do for me?" C Monks asked.

"Well, as an Officer of Hasselhofferania By-the-Sea, I can make you an honorary deputy for the day or something like that if you'd like," Officer Shelton offered.

"Would I be able to shoot people and stuff?" C Monks asked.

"No," Officer Shelton said.

"No deal then," C Monks replied.

"I could get you in free for a tour of Dame Maggie Percival Chatterlily's beach bungalow in the OC," Otto suggested. "That's a $17.50 value."

"Would I be able to shoot people and stuff?" C asked him.

"No," Otto replied.

"No deal then," C Monks said. He looked disappointed, as if he really wanted to help them out. I mean, Zooey Deschanel was with them; of course he wanted to help them out. Then a light bulb went off in his head or above his head or however that expression goes.

"I know," he said, "let's play Spin-the-bottle."

"Spin-the-bottle?" Officer Shelton asked.

"Yeah," C Monks said. "The kissing game. If you agree to play Spin-the-bottle with me, I'll let you pass." To C this was the perfect plan: playing the kissing game would pretty much guarantee the opportunity to kiss the really pretty and underrated actress Zooey Deschanel. Giving up his spot in line would be worth it for that.

"But we're all guys," Officer Shelton said.

"Ha! Good one!" C Monks laughed. He winked at Morris/Zooey.

"Not that, you know, that's a problem or anything because I'm comfortable enough with my heterosexuality to play an all-guy version of Spin-the-bottle," Officer Shelton said.

"Me too," Otto said. "At least I think I am, anyway." Otto came from a family of homophobics. They were all lactose intolerant too. He wasn't proud of either traits, but it was all he knew.

"Let's do it then!" C Monks said all excited. "You game, Zooey?"

"Whatever," Morris/Zooey said. "If it gets me back to my field rainbows sooner than later I'll do anything, I suppose."

"Great!" C Monks exclaimed. "You guys have a bottle?"

"No," Otto replied. "But I have a strange-tasting hot dog. We could use that."

"Excellent," C Monks said. Then he winked at Morris/Zooey again. "Screw my masterwork," he said under his breath. "I'm blogging the shit out of this mutha tomorrow. The Instapundit is gonna be sooooo jealous."

This post is dedicated to only two days left.