Hiya. I'm starting the weekend a day early. Don't get all up in my grill about it. Thanks. In place of a brand new entry comes one from exactly three years ago today. I think you'll find it's just as powerful and consequential as ever. Have a nice weekend.

1. Black Spatula
Black Spatula ably handles any spatula task. Its ergonomic design and easy going attitude is tops in my kitchen. During the dishwasher strike in April, Black Spatula's leadership was vital. Its display of strong-willed perseverance provided a model for us all. I find it hard to talk about Black Spatula without getting emotional, as its talents are so great that I don't think we will fully realize its importance to my kitchen until after it's gone. Thankfully, Black Spatula has many years left with us, and I for one will treasure each and every one of them.

2. Big Spoon
Big Spoon is by far the most resilient kitchen utensil in my collection. Despite being dropped twice in the garbage disposal and used as a substitute gardening spade for the better part of the summer (not to mention the constant competition from Bigger Spoon), Big Spoon rose to the occasion time after time. Mad props to Big Spoon.

3. Whisk
I admit that Whisk has an unfair advantage because I simply love saying the word "Whisk." But that aside, Whisk had another solid year. While its versatility is limited, it is great at what it was made to do: whisking things.

4. Potato Masher
If you know me, you know I love mashed potatoes. I really never travel very far without Potato Masher. At restaurants sometimes I put French fries in a paper bag and mash them up. Tasty, tasty stuff. But if you think mashing is all Potato Masher does you're still inside the box, friend. Potato Masher makes an ideal personal massager. Oh, just thinking about its cool, stainless steel on my skin makes me go "Whee!"

5. Hardwood Salad Serving Spoons
Year in and year out a controversial selection, Hardwood Salad Serving Spoons beauty and simplicity always manages to win out over its detractors and make my top ten utensils list. Some say that Hardwood Salad Serving Spoons should not be listed as one utensil, given that they are in a pair. The argument does have some validity, but all one has to do is witness the two working together dutifully and elegantly to realize that they are a cohesive unit that deserves to be mentioned in the same breath.

6. Bigger Spoon
Size does matter. Whether it's stirring soup, scooping ice cream, or a key player in my favorite drinking game, Bigger Spoon is there in all its bigger glory. What prevented Bigger Spoon from getting a higher ranking is its occasional aloof and condescending attitude. Bigger Spoon has to realize that it's not a one-utensil show, but rather one part of a collective utensil team working together to make my kitchen utensil experience pleasant and rewarding.

7. Tongs
She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what? What? What? All night long. Let me see that tong. Love it when the beat go (Du na, Du na). When you make your booty go (Du na, Du na). Girl I know you wanna show (Du na, Du na) those tongs, tongs, tongs, tongs.

8. Meat Thermometer
Meat Thermometer's rookie season in my kitchen had its fair share of ups and downs, but in the end it deserves a place in my top ten. Before Meat Thermometer came along I relied on those "pops when ready" timers that came with the roasting chickens and turkeys. Since I'm a fan of rare cooked poultry these pop-up timers did nothing for me, as they were set to pop up when the meat was fully cooked. Just the idea of fully cooked bird makes me vomit. I need some pink in my bird meat for it makes me feel like a caveman in the olden days who has just brought home a freshly killed meal for his cavewoman and cavebaby. Sometimes I walk around my apartment with a mighty club and grunt at the furniture. Then I go "Whee!"

9. Steak Knife #5
In past years I've found it terribly difficult to select one steak knife above the others, but this year it was no contest. Steak Knife #5 makes all the other steak knives (especially the overrated and pompous Steak Knife #2) look like butter knives at a Dull Convention. Made by the misunderstood geniuses at Ginsu, Steak Knife #5 completed my annual steak knife challenge in flying colors. It effortlessly tore through a 24 oz. Porterhouse, a head of lettuce, a beer can, a framed autographed portrait of former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neill, and a kiwi. All in under a minute! The success of Steak Knife #5 is a study in gritty resolve. May its story be a lesson for all the young, little steak knives out there in Steak Knife Land.

10. White Spatula
By far the oldest utensil in my kitchen, White Spatula has been through a lot. It survived the Great Bacon Fire of '91, and managed to find its way back to my kitchen after being left with Cookie Tin at an estranged co-worker's house for seven months. You can't help but respect White Spatula; it's a wily veteran that is still very much an integral member of the utensil team. However, there have been a few ugly incidents involving White Spatula as of late. While still very much of its time and era, White Spatula needs to realize that this is the year 2002 where my kitchen is a rainbow coalition of utensils, and that all utensils, whether black, white, stainless steel, or wood should be judged solely by their performance, and never by their appearance or religious preference. I understand the uproar that followed White Spatula's divisive comments regarding Black Spatula, but I think White Spatula was motivated mainly by jealousy, and not by prejudice. Black Spatula accepted White Spatula's apology and has moved on. So should we all.

This post is dedicated to unconditional love.