Apparently, they don't celebrate President's Day in Denmark. What's up with that? I woke up yesterday morning and, thinking it was a holiday, decided to go back to bed. All of a sudden my new lover Trinka whopped me on the head and told me I had to go slaughter the morning sheep.

"But it's a holiday, woman!" I protested.

"Den er langt fra helligdag idag!" she told me.

"Yes, it is," I replied. "It's President's Day."

"Ikke i Danmark, taber"

"What? No way!"

Then she pulled the covers off me, revealing my many muscles.

"Arrangere og slaughter os en får, Dexter Manley," she ordered.

So out I went into the cold Denmark morning to slaughter a sheep. It sucked. Then, of course, it took forever for the tractor to start. Sheep farming can be so trying. I bet Lincoln or Washington never had to go out into the cold Denmark morning to slaughter a sheep with a tractor. Those guys so had it made. Assholes.

On the bright side, though, it seems as though I'm finally understanding Danish.

This post is dedicated to Dennis DiClaudio.