It won't die, pigeons. No matter how much some of you may want it to, Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame is alive and kicking. So coo your annoying pigeon coos all you want about how the UWHOF is no longer relevant. You're a pigeon; that's what you do. I'm sure you do other stuff, too, but I'm not a pigeon expert so I don't know. You molt? I bet you molt. How else would you replace your old feathers? Hmm...it's a puzzle...

Anyway, enough about you and your little, meaningless pigeon issues. Today is about our new inductee, Dave Ng, who by all accounts is not a pigeon. That means he doesn't molt! Bet that makes you jealous. Well, you'll just have to live with that, molting pigeons. Dave Ng doesn't molt and he's brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal. He also is like some big fancy scientist in Canada. That makes him the first big fancy scientist ever to be inducted into the Hall.

Scientists are really smart: they wear fancy lab coats and are good at math. So having a scientist in the Hall is yet another blog feather in my blog cap. When he's not out and about doing science-y things, Dave writes funny stories and also edits a couple of online lit journals, The Science Creative Quarterly and Terry. (In the interest of full disclosure, some of my writing has appeared on both sites. But don't get your pigeon beaks all tingly with the thought of scandal. This induction is totally legit. I still would have inducted Dave if he hadn't published my work and given me an iPod and promised to do all my sons' science homework so they get into a good college one day.) Even though both journals are based in Canada, the SCQ and Terry are well worth your time. Terry is even offering a writing contest with thousands of dollars in gift certificates being offered in prizes. So check them out!

Now, let's do what we always do for an induction: let's stare at our inductee's photo for no shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-one maple leaf...

Two-one hoser...

Three-one back bacon...

Four-one universal healthcare coverage...

Five-one Bryan Adams...

Well done! So what do you think of our new inductee's pic? It looks to me like some sort of action shot, like he's being chased by wolves and has stopped to catch his breath. Why are the wolves chasing him? Perhaps he tried to steal one of their babies to experiment on in his scientific laboratory. All scientists have scientific laboratories. That's where they do their experiments and stuff. Also, It doesn't look like Dave is wearing his lab coat in the photo. I'm sort of confused by that. Scientists wear fancy lab coats. What possessed him to take it off? Maybe the wolves snatched it from him when he was in their den stealing their baby. Serves him right, I guess. He should have left that baby wolf alone. On the other hand, how will we know if Maybelline's new eyeliner won't make us go blind? We sort of need the baby wolf to find that out. It's quite a conundrum. Thank god I'm not a scientist and have to figure that one out. Phew.

So without further ado, I officially induct Dave Ng into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. Because of him, the Hall's IQ has gone up, like, 50 points. Of course, wolves hate the Hall now, but I can live with that. Wolves are overrated. For his efforts Dave has received a signed copy of a letter I sent Star Jones that is more than suitable for framing. Why I'm sure by now Dave has it up in his scientific laboratory among all his beakers and test tubes and yelping, frightened baby wolves.

You too can get a signed copy of a letter to Star Jones: simply send me a real picture of yourself and shortly thereafter you will be immortalized in the largest blog hall of fame of all-time. You'll love it. Wolves will hate you, but you'll love it. So send, send, send!

This post is dedicated to PETA.