It's International Women's Day today. Again. Ho-hum. Just how many days do International Women need? Seems like everyday is International Women's Day. They have it made. Why just last week I was waiting in line at Syv-Elleve when an International Woman waltzed over and cut in front of everybody. I couldn't believe it. She was like, "Call the police! Some guy just tried to mug me! Call the police!"

Can you believe that? The audacity. Just because she's an International Woman doesn't make her better than the rest of us. So what if we're not "International" or a "Woman": she should have waited in line like everybody else. But no, she didn't. The guy behind the counter didn't help much either; he totally sucked up to her. It was disgusting. He was all, "Oh my god! Are you okay? I'll call the police right now! I'm so sorry that happened!"

Whatever.

I dated an International Woman once. We had a few laughs, but in the end she didn't like the way I kept telling her to make me dinner and wash my clothes. What was up with that? I mean, helll-oooo? I'm hungry and my clothes are dirty? Who else is going to do it? It was almost as if she expected me to take care of myself. What kind of a dream world was she living in? You should have seen her when I invited all my friends over to watch the porn olympics on pay-per-view. It was like I had accidentally killed her cat all over again.

I don't think I'll be participating in any International Women's Day festivities today. My new lover Trinka and her half-sisters will, but I won't. I guess there's going to be some sort of parade with lots of International Women dressed up like superheroines. Apparently they'll ride around singing Janis Ian songs throwing birth control pills into the crowd. So, yeah, I think I'll take a pass. I love a parade just as much as the next guy, but not when it's honoring something I don't believe in. I'll just wait until June, which is International Men's Month. Can't wait! I'm going to turn that mutha out!

This post is dedicated to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.