I saw a preview for that new Kiefer Sutherland/Michael Douglass movie yesterday. In it there's a clip of Kiefer Sutherland holding a gun on somebody, presumably Douglass, yelling "DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!!!" Is it me, or does Kiefer Sutherland yell that exact same thing in every episode of 24? You know, like when he's got a suspect cornered or when he's interrogating them or whatever, and Kiefer's close to shooting or torturing the guy, yelling, "DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!!!"

You think maybe he has it written into his contract that he has to say that line at least once in every show or movie that he does? He delivers the line wonderfully. It's like he really means it. I believe him every time. He doesn't really want to be made to do it, it's abundantly clear; he's breathing heavy and his face is all tensed up like he's lost his keys or something. I mean, if there ever was a guy who was saying that he didn't want to be made to do something, this is him. The thing is, sometimes the suspect makes him do it anyway. It's a shame, really. It didn't have to be done, but people got to push and push and push. Before you know it--SHAZAM! Kiefer does it.

I wonder if he uses that line in real life. I bet he does. Not all the time, but every once in a while, like when he's shopping or doing house chores. I can see him yelling at little dust bunnies while vacuuming, holding the hose right up to them, yelling "DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!!!"

That would be cool.

It would be kind of weird, too, actually. Dust bunnies don't talk, so they'd have no idea what he was saying. Plus you know that in the end, no matter how the dust bunnies respond to his plea, Kiefer is going to suck them up into his vacuum anyway. I mean, he's vacuuming. No way is he going to let the dust bunnies go. Why else would he be vacuuming? You think he wants the hot chicks he invites over for empty celebrity sex to see dust bunnies in his fancy ranch house? No way!

Then again maybe he doesn't do his own vacuuming.

This post is dedicated to Charlie Sheen.