I know from time to time it might be hard to tell, but I am somebody. I count. I am of consequence. I matter. Don't think so? Then why else would author Paul Davidson ask me to review his new book on my blog? Huh? Why would he then? Huh? I mean, did he ask you to review his new book on your blog? No? I guess that's because Paul Davidson reads my site--he's a published author and he reads my site--and he wants my opinion about his published book. So there. I count. I am of consequence. I matter.

Not only did Paul Davidson ask me to review his book, but he had his publisher send me a free copy of his book. That's right: I got a free book. Getting free anything is a sure sign of being important. I can't tell you how excited I am by this. I mean, I'm being used to help market a book! Not everybody can say that. I'm a tool--I'm a tool of consequence that matters. Yay me!

It's been a long journey from nobody blogger to fair-to-middling blogger to fair-to-middling blogger who gets asked to review books. Three years, eight months and nine days to be exact. I suppose I could harp on what took so long, but I won't because that will just depress me and I hate being depressed--being depressed is for bloggers that don't matter. At any rate, I'd like to thank all those people who have stood by me through thick and thin during thse last three years, eight months, and nine days. So thanks, Patti and Gene. The rest of you are dead to me.

As for Paul Davidson's book, it's called The Lost Blogs: From Jesus to Jim Morrison. It's a collection of made-up blog posts by famous people throughout history. It's basically the perfect idea for a book and I wish I had come up with it. But I didn't and there's no use being bitter about it. Move on, C. Remember: you are of consequence. You don't have a book of your own, but you are of consequence, you really, really, really, really , really, really, really are.

At any rate, I like the book--and I'm not just saying that because I got it for free. No, if I didn't like it I would tell you no matter how much I hope that Time Warner Books continues to send me free stuff and considers publishing my semi-autobiographical collection of erotic poetry. My favorite entry in the book is the lost blog of famous killer clown John Wayne Gacy, who shares his knack for writing haikus with the blogosphere:

The balloons have popped.
I let all the air out.
Don't try to stop me.

I love that poem. I think it's the best haiku ever written by a person pretending to be a famous killer clown. Hands down. So if that tickles your fancy I'm sure the rest of the book will too, even if you have to pay for it yourself. Promise.

And that wraps up this first ever infoblogmercial here on Utter Wonder. Despite it not featuring a guy with an Australian accent cleaning blood stains off an apron I think it went really well. And remember, if you'd like me to promote something of yours on this site just send me as much free stuff as you have and we can get down to business. So bring it on!

This post is dedicated to your cooter.