My Father's Day gift to myself is to not blog today. Thank me very much. So please enjoy this father's day recap from last year. If nothing else, the last two comments from the original post are worth reading. Real or not real? I'll leave it to America to decide. Until then, see you tomorrow.

So my Father's Day date with Zooey Deschanel was mezza-mezza. It was great that she showed up and I was thrilled that my family came through for me and got me what I wanted, but Zooey herself turned out to be somewhat of a downer.

Granted, we tricked her into showing up by saying that The Chosen One was really sick and his last wish was to see his daddy go out on a date with her, but still that's no reason to be such a party-pooper. It's not our fault the Make-A-Wish Foundation didn't properly vet our wish. She showed up, so she might as well have made the best of it. It's like she was hoping The Chosen One had been really sick or something. I mean, when you think about it, she should have been happy to discover that he wasn't sick. Who wants to see any child terminally ill? Zooey Deschanel, apparently.

I was bummed out that we didn't go paintballing. When I mentioned the idea, Zooey just looked at me like I was a big phony who had just swindled her into going out on a date with me. She refused to go anywhere, but since her flight back to LA wasn't until later she agreed to sit on the couch and watch the final round of the US Open with me.

It was a little awkward being on a date in my house with Zooey Deschanel while My Lady and sons were around. We were forever being interrupted by vacuuming or a stray Nerf ball. Zooey wasn't much help, either, as she isn't much of a conversationalist. I tried to engage her on many different topics, but she'd just respond by sighing and muttering something mean about her agent.

She looked good, though. Very elegant. She wore a pretty blue dress and her hair was up in a bun. She has fantastic eyes. It was a shame when Lil' Buddy inadvertently jabbed one of them with a Tinker Toy. After that she pretty much spent the rest of our date locked in the bathroom. I shouted US Open updates to her, but I don't think she really cared. I was sure Tiger was going to pull it out. Oh well. Perhaps she's a huge Retief Goosen fan and she was depressed about his awful final found of play.

For dinner, we got takeout from the local barbecue place. I passed some pulled pork and collard greens to Zooey Deschanel under the bathroom door. I think she liked the meal. It's pretty good barbecue, especially given that really good barbecue is hard to come by in these parts. Hope she appreciated this. Plus I paid for it which, if I understand the Make-A-Wish Foundation's guidelines correctly, was a big no-no. I could have made a fuss about it, but I didn't. She's the big rich movie star, after all.

When it was time for her to leave I gave her a goodbye hug and asked her to guest blog for me when I went on vacation this summer. She neither hugged me back nor agreed to host my blog. Then I told her that Retief Goosen sucked and wished her a safe trip back to LA.

All in all, I think I would go out on a date with her again, though. Between watching golf on television and passing food to her under the bathroom door, I sensed a little vibe between us. I think if our second date didn't take place at my house with My Lady and sons around we'd have a better time. That's why I think paintballing would be the perfect thing to do. What better venue is there for two people to get together and become soul mates?

So perhaps we'll start gearing up Lil' Buddy for a fake illness. With the proper training we could have him ready to be pretend-sick by my birthday. The Make-A-Wish people will be falling over themselves to get Zooey Deschanel to come back for a second date. Paintballing, here we come!

This post is dedicated to Namibians.