After reading about eighty gadget/videogame blogs today, and eating the world's most awesome breakfast sandwich (which included two eggs, two kinds of meat, and a bread I'm border-line uncomfortable eating), I decided that it was time to post a guest blog on Utter Wonder.

"Awesome," I thought. I sat down, and was all like, "this is going to be the best post I've ever written," and "man, breakfast sandwiches are totally better than lunch sandwiches, which are good, but not as good."

And just when I started writing it, like the second I had an original idea in my head and I wasn't thinking of cool new cellphones or the next Batman movie that I want to be out right now, I realized that, lo and behold, I still had this huge chunk of breakfast sandwich in my beard!

It was like an angel was sent from wherever, and had blessed me with another small bite of the best kind of sandwich known to man.

My life has, subsequently, been made into a sphere, and within this sphere is complete unity and contentment and a little extra egg/meat/bread-that-almost-makes-me-uncomfortable.

I realize that I have been talking about what my life is/isn't on this blog for most of the week, but you really need to understand what a life-changing ordeal trying to guest blog and, instead, finding uneaten food in your beard is.

Guest blogging and finding uneaten food in your beard changes your life. Forever. I don't know how else to put it. I don't know how to go on anymore. How am I supposed to talk about trivial things like Mr. T and XBOX 360 and Wesley Snipes' penis when my life has reached an apex of this magnitude?

Someone answer these questions for me. I need something, maybe like a personal jesus or something similar to explain.

Also, I need this personal jesus type thing in video game form, so I don't get bored and do something else, like eat another breakfast sandwich. Someone help me! Develop this game, anyone!

I'm going to go make another breakfast sandwich now.

See you tomorrow!