I'm back from my intense week of alpha-parenting. Save your "Thank you, hero" comments; I was just doing my job. When I signed on to be a parent I knew there'd be times likes these where I'd have to sacrifice my time for my children. So thanks for your letters and bunt cakes of support, but let's move on. I just did what anybody else would do in the same position. Does that make me a hero worthy of lots of bunt cakes? Maybe, but I'm really not the one to say. That would only make me look less heroic and bunt cake-worthy. Besides, like I said, sacrificing your free time for your children is something every parent has to do. Sometimes even for a whole fricking week.

I'd like to thank Gene Morgan for filling in for me while I was off sacrificing my free time for my children. As always, Gene did a bang up job. While I was sacrificing my time for my children, Gene wrote one hilarious blog entry after another. It's obvious that Gene doesn't have kids of his own yet because he clearly had a lot of free time to write all those funny blog entries. I hope Gene appreciates all the free time he has because when he becomes a father he's going to have to sacrifice pretty much all of it by going to boring museums and zoos and answering inane questions about science and the world, like "Daddy, where did the ocean come from?" or "Daddy, who made the air?" or "Daddy, why are we at the dog track again?"

That reminds me: when you take your children to the dog track be sure to securely tie or fasten them to you so they run off and get lost. It's easy to forget they're around when you're all caught up in the doggies. It doesn't matter how you tie them to you; ropes, bungee cords, whatever, just be sure they're attached to you in some way, shape or form. There's nothing worse than hitting a trifecta and then looking and down to find that your sons have wandered off and are nowhere to be found. Talk about a buzz kill. I'm actually still kind of pissed off about that.

This post is dedicated to getting caught up in this like all the rest.