I was jamming out to Boz Scaggs for like eight consecutive hours today, so, sorry for the late post. "Lowdown" is all i really want to do today. Blog posting? Not really.

"Lowdown", on repeat, all day. No blogging. Down with blogging. I'm supposed to blog here though. I'm forced to by the laws of demand and ridiculous daily need of Monks. I would get pissed if I were me and not me pretending to be C Monks and someone else was pretending to be C Monks and they didn't post. I would hate them, deep inside where I hide my hateful feelings.

Usually, on my blog, I just let everything slide for a few months, and it doesn't matter. No one gets mad. No one cares. I don't even care. My mom doesn't even care. Google doesn't care. I can listen to some song like "Lowdown" for ten straight months, on repeat, and no one cares. No one will Google me, and my mom won't care. My mom won't even Google me. She won't care that much, she won't even Google me.

Not at this place, though. The Utter Wonder is different. The Utter Wonder is a place of triumph and violent blog combat. A place of war for millions of people on the internet, most of which are Googling everything imaginable, other than my name, and looking for that other thing, and attacking C Monks if they do not agree with what he has said about the thing (other than my name) that they are Googling for.

Because the internet is a fight. It's a war.

I feel like someone would chunk a wooden hockey stick through my abdomen if I didn't post on a day I was supposed to post. And one of those old-school hockey sticks with the cool tape and real wood that I'm making-up in my mind right now because I live in Texas and have never actually seen a hockey stick, not one of the dumb fiberglass ones that I'm also pretending to know about.

Someone would do it just to spite me. Through my stomach. Hockey stick.

It's a war on the internet. Whether it be with the Instapundit or TMZ or Maud Newton, it's something, for some ridiculously awesome reason, that Utter Wonder must continue to exist in this space to combat the knowing-ness of those other sites. To fight. Utter Wonder must fight them, for no other reason than knowledge itself and its inherent awesomeness.

This blog must combat those blogs for world dominance in the category of general awesomeness in the field of knowledge. And C, C fights the good fight, the one worth fighting and making a fight out of. The fightiest fight. C fights this fight everyday and wins this imaginary fight that I am also making up, like the hockey stick, but instead I'm secretly hoping inside that this fight actually happens, unlike the metaphor about the hockey stick through my incredibly-ripped abdomen, that I also just imagined myself having. Internet fights are awesome.

In simple, Utter Wonder and Chris Monks protect us in this day and age of informational terror. Utter Wonder and Chris Monks protect us from the pain that is knowing about political scandals and new iPods and what Nicole Richie is wearing. Our shield is a blog and a man, a blog and a man as the cup over our sensitive genitalia areas, as our steel wall made of something more awesome than steel could ever be.

See everyone whenever. Read Bear Parade. Praise be to Utter Wonder.