Yes, you read right: it's another UWHOF induction. The list of brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal people just grows and grows. It's like a giant blossoming flower, forever blossoming and gianty. I know "gianty" isn't a word, but for today's induction it is because it's gigantic and...um...stuff. Whatever. Sorry. I'm a little distracted what with Bobby and Whitney's split and all. What happened there? They seemed so right for each other. It's news stories like this one that makes me think the terrorists are winning the war. Osama must be thrilled about this news. I wonder if he had something to do with it.

Curses, Osama!

Anyway, on with the induction. Today's inductee is Laura Carney. Laura is a journalist from New York City. If my intern's research is correct that means Laura's the first journalist ever to be enshrined in the Hall. Then again, my intern's research skillz aren't too hot. This is mainly due to the fact that he can't read. I wish I had known he couldn't read before I took him on, but it was impossible to tell what with those dark sunglasses he wore. His dog kept barking, too. Was kind of a distraction. Oh sure, he says he can read, but he reads with his fingers or something. That's not real reading! What does he think I am? An idiot?

I am so not an idiot it hurts.

But I'm gonna go ahead and take my intern's word for it. Laura Carney is the first ever journalist to be inducted into the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame. That's pretty awesome. Unless of course she's one of those investigative journalists that I always wind up flirting with on MySpace. Those kinds of journalists are just a big bunch of teasers. And if any of them are reading they should know that I am serious about wanting those bare-chested pics of me back.

Anyway, let's do like we always do an inductee and stare at Laura's photo for no shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-One Hell-to-the-no...

Two-One Hell-to-the-no...

Three-One-Hell-to-the-no...

Four-One Hell-to-the-no...

Five-One Hell-to-the-no...

Well done. So what do you think of Laura Carney's photograph? I think I wish every investigative journalist I've unknowingly IM'ed looked like she does. Most of the ones I know have moustaches and pop out from pantries when I least expect them to. That's not nearly as much fun as it sounds.

At any rate, I hereby officially induct Laura Carney into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For her efforts Laura has received a signed copy of a fan letter I wrote Star Jones that's more than suitable for framing. By now Laura is no doubt writing some fantastic typo-free journalistic essay about it. That's how awe-inspiring my signed copies of fan letters I've written to Star Jones are. Yessiree.

You can have one of your very own, too. Just send me an actual-for-reals photo of yourself and you will be well on your way to fair-to-middling blog infamy.

This post is dedicated to a broken heart.