This is the funniest thing I have seen all week. Good post

Doesn't totally piss you off when you call your cat and she turns around to look at you (but won't come to you), and then when you call her again and she refuses to even acknowledge you unless you're holding a salmon. It's like they're suddenly deaf.

C, I carry ointment in my fanny pack if ya need some.

I carry ointment in my fanny. But no one ever wants any, even with chapped lip season upon us.
People are so touchy about anything with opiates in it.

star jones was not invited to the tomkat wedding in italia. she's been feeling pretty blue about this and i'm sure your postcard was a much needed pick-up.you have a beautiful heart, chris monks.

Scabies. No fun. I knew this one dirty guy who got them in college. Not to imply that you're dirty, but, I mean, it's pretty hard to get scabies in this day and age. Just remember to throw out your sheets, otherwise it's more ointment for another four weeks.