Utter Wonder: The Idle Thoughts Of C. Monks

The Utter Wonder Humor Reading Series, Vol. III.

Posted 01/19/2007 07:36 AM by cmonks in I Am an International Poet Who People Flock to and Offer Fancy Trinkets.

The First reader of UW that comes and introduces him or herself gets a hug. So far no readers, other than the ones I'm related to, have come to a reading. This makes no sense to me given that I have 8.72 regular visitors a day. You'd think that would be more than enough to make a strong showing. But alas, that hasn't been the case. Are you too intimidated by my star power to see me in person? Is that it? Huh? Oh, please say that's it because that would totally make my day.

Anyway, you shouldn't be afraid of me. Despite oozing with star power I'm a regular person deep down, just like you. Only with a much cooler shirt. So please come. It will be lots of fun. Plus I'll hug you. Ever been hugged by a fair-to-middling blogger before? It's an experience like no other. Really. It's electric. Boogie woogie oogie oogie.

Have a nice weekend.

More Wexler here.
More Gladstone here.

This post is dedicated to Stove Top Stuffing.

Comments.

Aw man! I actually live near Boston and could come.... except I will be in Florida that week.... My Mom got a hug from Gary Gulman once, I could have finally topped her! Crap.

Posted by: Beth at 01/19/2007 09:42 AM

It can be difficult for your fan base in Gary, Indiana to make it all the way to MA. Please be sensitive. They live in Gary, after all.

Posted by: Stacey at 01/19/2007 09:44 AM

Why do you tease those of us not in the greater Boston metro area with your offers of "hugs" when there's no chance of our being able to make it to the event? Heartless bastard. I can't believe I voted for your stupid blog. I hate you. You're a dumbhead.

Posted by: You can call me, Sir at 01/19/2007 09:54 AM

I'd go except my time machine is in the shop. Oh well, if you have a reading sometime in 2007 let me know.

Posted by: Drew at 01/19/2007 10:45 AM

Thanks for being a wise-ass, Drew. Never would have noticed it otherwise.

Posted by: cmonks at 01/19/2007 11:00 AM

I would totally come to this event and beat down anyone who was in line in front of me, but I live in Minnesota.

Posted by: Jimbo at 01/19/2007 12:10 PM

chris monks:

i don't know if you're aware of this or not, but you appeared in the national post editorial page today. the post is one of two national daily newspapers up here in canada, owned by canwest. at any rate, i think they were promoting one of mcsweeny's book of lists and they printed your list of reasons you might suspect your unicorn of cheating. very, very funny, by the way.

blue skies, monks, blue skies...

Posted by: michael murray at 01/19/2007 04:23 PM

Right you are, Mike Murray: The National Post

Posted by: cmonks at 01/19/2007 04:41 PM

I love how you take credit for designing the poster.

Posted by: Melissa at 01/19/2007 06:19 PM

I'd rather have a trinket than a hug.

Posted by: Drama Queen at 01/19/2007 08:05 PM

As a DQ, it's generally all about me. I've noticed I'm the last to post alot. Is it something I ate???

Posted by: Drama Queen at 01/20/2007 03:17 AM

cambridge or bust!

Posted by: monica at 01/20/2007 02:24 PM

Thanks for making me a part of this. I use know, I'll be coming from Maine via rikshaw after recovering from rickets, but I guess your readers have good excuses for not being there.

Posted by: Wayne Gladstone at 01/21/2007 03:20 PM

"I use know"
means
"As you know"
and
that I'm a moron.

Posted by: Wayne Gladstone at 01/22/2007 10:21 AM

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