Utter Wonder: The Idle Thoughts Of C. Monks

Happy Administrative Professionals' Day!.

Posted 04/25/2007 07:04 AM by cmonks in Happy Holidays To You!.

I've given my administrative professional the day off today. Why? Because I'm the best boss ever. Also because I don't have an administrative professional. But if I did, I'd give him or her the day off. That's just how I roll.

I often daydream about having my own personal administrative professional. It would be so cool to have somebody run out and get me donuts and a Coolata anytime I wanted. I'd be like, "Hey you! Get me some donuts and a Coolata!"

That would be awesome.

Then they'd come back, like, 20 minutes later with my stuff and I'd be all, "Hey, these are chocolate covered donuts! I didn't want these! I wanted vanilla covered! With sprinkles!" So I'd send them back out to get the right donuts. Then I'd return to watching the Game Show Network in my pajamas. I love game shows!

And when they'd arrive with the right donuts I'd tell them to turn the channel for me because I really can't be bothered with the tediousness of pushing the buttons on my remote control. Pushing buttons on the remote control is for poor people who don't have their own administrative professionals. Soooo not me.

And once they've turned the channel to that rerun of "Benson" that I love so dear I would, of course, have to fire them because they looked me directly in the eye and I just can't let something like that go. Plus, let's not forget: THEY GOT ME FUCKING CHOCOLATE COVERED DONUTS.

This post is dedicated to Fawn Hall.

Comments.

Hey, I've had the same fantasy. As a kid, instead of having an imaginary friend, I always had an imaginary personal assistant. It was cool. I would autograph photos of myself (imaginarily) and have my assistant give them to my imaginary fans.

Posted by: Rhea at 04/25/2007 08:05 AM

My imaginary friend has a personal assistant, and boy is he stupid. He gets tripped up by the most minor things. Sheesh, I would have fired that badger-faced lackey just immediately. The temp agency sent him, and my imaginary friend just doesn't have the heart to fire people. It's a shortcoming.

Posted by: paal at 04/25/2007 12:18 PM

Hold it a minute. Your administrative assistant looks suspiciously like Wanda, MY assistant. Right down to the out-of-date equipment I make her use - because I'm just that kind of heartless boss. If Wanda's moonlighting, I'm so going to take her electric typewriter away and make her use the manual one for awhile. That ought to straighten her up. Hussy.

Posted by: Karen at 04/25/2007 12:42 PM

My fantasy is to be the personal assistant for somebody’s imaginary friend. And the imaginary friend is a (totally hot) woman who works in a slow-paced office setting, and sends me out for donuts. I get that order right every time, and I’m rewarded with hugs.

Posted by: simpleton01 at 04/25/2007 01:54 PM

in 1987, fawn hall received, from playboy magazine, the honorific of being one of the "sex stars" of the year. she was like an american lady diana. however, as it turns out, being named a sex star does not mean that you pose naked in the magazine, it just means that playboy wishes you would pose naked in their magazine. i bring this up so that some young people might benefit from my experience and not steal five dollars from dad's wallet and then run out to buy the magazine, expecting to see fawn hall, or a similar contemporary( minnie mouse?) nude, because it's just not going to happen.

Posted by: michael murray at 04/25/2007 01:55 PM

I would like an interview please.

But I don't do windows.

Posted by: Alex at 04/25/2007 03:29 PM

I would like a bucket, please.

Posted by: paal at 04/25/2007 04:28 PM

Would that Benson episode be the one with the hijinks? I love that one.

Posted by: Heather at 04/27/2007 08:37 AM

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