Utter Wonder: The Idle Thoughts Of C. Monks

This is Whole Foods, Chump!.

Posted 04/30/2007 07:06 AM by cmonks in J'ai l'oeil du tigre!.

Yesterday I was in Whole Foods waiting at the deli counter when the woman in front of me asked the deli guy if they had Land 0' Lakes cheese.

WTF, yo!?!?

Land O' Lakes cheese!?!?? Get that weak shit of of here! Where do you think you are? Costco? You're in Whole Foods! Whole Foods ain't no Costco, fool! Does Costco pride itself on Organic products like Whole Foods does? Does Costco carry anything with carob in it? I don't think so. Land O' Lakes is for lame-o's, lame-o. You best step off if you can't handle the Food Whole, baby. Damn!

The deli guy, of course, had no idea what the woman was talking about. He was Guatemalan or Bolivian or something, and his English wasn't spectacular, but all the same, it wasn't his fault that he didn't know what Land O' Lakes cheese was. Dude works at Whole Foods; they'd probably fire him if he knew what Land O' Lakes cheese was.

But the woman kept pressing him. "Land O' Lakes," she said. "Cheese."

I couldn't take it anymore.

"They don't have it," I told her.

She turned and looked at me. "Oh," she said. And then she walked away.

For the betterment of all things good, let us hope she has learned her lesson.

This post is dedicated to the letter V.

Comments.

I'm surprised that you showed such diplomacy in telling the lady they had no cheese with squaws holding corn on the package. I would've expected at least a "BEEEEE-YAAAATCH" for good measure.

You disappoint me, Cap'n WCA.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at 04/30/2007 10:25 AM

Cap'n Crunch,

No real comment on the cheese, I just wanted everyone to know that my prostate is better. As it turns out, Laughter isn't the best medicine, it's gentle massage.

Posted by: andy at 04/30/2007 10:46 AM

Yesterday I found a woman asking for Diamond Kosher Salt at Trader Joe's. No dice.

Posted by: Rhea at 04/30/2007 12:57 PM

Doctor Mister Professor Captain Wicked Cool Awesome,
Land-O-Lakes RULZ! The Indian Chick could kick your cheese's logo from here to the lakes in question. You WISH you were as awesome as Land-O-Lakes cheese. I suppose you prefer America-hatin' french cheese, commie? We eat AMERICAN cheese around these parts!

Posted by: jody at 04/30/2007 01:44 PM

Whoa, C! Cheese-flavored woop-ass comin' atcha! Yeah! Uh-huh!

Posted by: paal at 04/30/2007 03:40 PM

At least she didn't ask the poor Bolivian for Cheez Whiz.

Posted by: simpleton01 at 04/30/2007 03:48 PM

I was married to a Bolivian once, and let me tell you, they's some cheese-eatin' peoples. Oh, and potatoes. Can't forget the potatoes.

Posted by: karen at 05/02/2007 01:08 PM

Trackbacks.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.utterwonder.com/mt3/mt-tbk.cgi/1397