I'm sorry to report that the Utter Wonder Hall of Fame hasn't had an induction in over five months. I haven't received one single application in that time. Why? Because you're all a bunch of scared little scaredy cats with no courage or bravery or intestinal fortitude. The number of inductees in the UWHOF has been sitting on 49 for nearly half a year now and quite frankly this sickens me. Where have all my ballsy readers gone? It's like some fairy came along and cast a wussy spell on everybody.

I hate you, wussy fairy!

So the Hall has been languishing for way too long now. It's really sad to go in there these days. The inductees become crestfallen every time the door swings open and they see me instead of a new courageous and brave and intestinal fortitudinal inductee. There is a serious morale problem over there. It's worse than the New York Yankees' clubhouse.

Okay, maybe not that bad.

Anyway, I'm not going to beg for a new inductee. No, that's not my style. Instead I'm going to show this video of a snake regurgitating a hippo every day until somebody shows their bravery and courage and intestinal fortitude and sends me a real photo of him or herself for induction into the Hall. As always, whoever applies will get a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. The thing is MORE THAN SUITABLE FOR FRAMING. So somebody step up quick or else we're all gonna have nightmares of snakes throwing up hippos forever and ever.

This post is dedicated to lazy bones.