Turtle porn is not nearly as scintillating as I thought it would be. What a let down. Initially I had thought it would be awesome, but man, was I wrong. Turtle porn is not awesome. It's boring. What was I thinking? They just sit there. Not a lot of action. Blah City. There was so much more I could have done with my time.

I'd like to take this moment to apologize publicly to my In-Laws. I'm sorry, In-Laws. I thought it would be fun to hang out and watch turtles do it, but I was mistaken. I hope you can forgive me. I promise I will make it up to you somehow. I also promise to never subject you to turtle porn ever again. Because it was really bad.

This post is dedicated to minty freshness.