I'm not bitter. Let me just get that out there first. I'm not bitter. No, being bitter is for losers. I'm not a loser. I'm so not a loser it's crazy, actually. I mean, look at my shirt: is this a shirt of a loser? No, it's a shirt of a winner. It has a picture of Sylvester and Tweety Bird on it. It reeks "winner." So, yeah, I'm a winner with an awesome shirt and who just so happens didn't get a MacBook Pro from his "family" for Father's Day.

Now, you probably noticed I used quotation marks when I wrote the word "family" in the last paragraph. I didn't do that to imply that they are not my real family, as if I were in the mafia and I was describing my mafia "family." No I put the word in quotations because that's who those people claim to be, my "family." Yet when I dropped numerous hints--from emails, to post-it notes, to banners flown by small aircrafts--that I wanted a MacBook Pro for Father's Day they didn't "family"-up and get me what I wanted.

Instead I got homemade cards from my son and a iTunes girt certificate from My Lady. Come on! Homemade cards!??! iTunes gift certificate?!? What's that about? Like those things are supposed to be a equal substitute to a $2500 computer I don't really need? No way. I mean, My Lady bought the gift certificate at the Apple Store for god's sakes. She could have gotten me a MacBook Pro as well. SHE WAS RIGHT THERE.

It makes no sense. Is my family retarded? And don't get me started about the homemade cards. If I had a nickel for every homemade card I've gotten from my sons I'd have enough money to buy 1/5784th of a MacBook Pro. I have no idea what I would do with that fraction of a MacBook Pro, but it's more of a fraction of a MacBook Pro than I have now. God! The whole thing is just so stupid!

But I'm not bitter. Nope. No way. Not. At. All.

This post is dedicated to guppies.