Went to the water sprinkler wading pool park with The Chosen One and Lil' Buddy yesterday. You know what I hate when I'm at the water sprinkler wading pool park with my sons? I hate the random little kid who, for reasons unclear to me, thinks I live for nothing else but to watch him do "tricks" in the water.

That's what happened yesterday. We weren't there three minutes before this little five-year-old boy comes up to me and is like, "Wanna see me put my head under water?"

Because I am polite and have a secret desire for everybody to like me, I said, "Sure."

So he put his head into the wading pool and when he popped back up he had this look on his face like he thought he was hot shit or something. I gave him a quick "Good job" then turned away so as to lend the impression that our relationship was over. Unfortunately, he was slow on the uptake.

"I'm a good swimmer," he said to me a few seconds later. He was out of the pool, standing right next to me.

"Yes, you are," I said looking around for whoever it was that was in charge of this child. Was he there with a school group? A nanny? What? Who's child is this?

"Wanna see me swim backwards?" he asked me.

I couldn't say no. So he jumped back into the wading pool and proceeded to "swim" backwards on his hands and feet.

"Way to go," I told him as politely unenthusiastic as I could.

It was at this point that I realized I had no clue as to where my sons were. Fantastic, I thought. Little Swimmy McNeglect caused me to lose my kids. Christ. I wasn't there to watch him, I was their to watch my boys, my blood, the heirs to my blog empire.

Thankfully I spotted The Chosen One on the far side of the pool with his head under a mini-waterfall. Lil' Buddy was right behind him, cheering him on.

"Wanna see me put my head in the water again?" the child asked me.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"No," I said, "I don't." And with that I began to make my way over to the other side of the pool where my sons frolicked.

"I'm a good swimmer!" he called out to me. But I didn't turn around. I just kept walking. It was the only way to make him see that it was over between us. I was going my way; he had to go his.

About 10 minutes later or so, as I watched my sons dart through a series of sprinklers I saw the boy approach another adult, this time a woman, who seemed to be there with her young daughter. I felt like I should warn her, let her know that it's really not worth her time. But before I could, I saw her smiling as he put his head in the water, and at the point I decided to let the the poor woman figure things out on her own.

This post is dedicated to caulk.