You know what the best thing is about my blog being 5-years-old? Not having to be responsible for anything it does. I mean, my blog can pretty much do or say whatever it wants and nobody will care because it's so young and cute and stuff.

For instance, yesterday my blog called my neighbor a "Motherfucking asshole" and totally got away with it. Sure, my neighbor was a first outraged when I relayed my blog's message to him. But then he remembered how old my blog was and his anger quickly dissipated.

"Oh, that little guy!" my neighbor said. "Kids say the darnedest things!"

Isn't that awesome? Yes. It is. Today, I'm going to go over and tell my neighbor my blog wants him to "Move his stupid piece of shit eyesore of a car into his garage." He's going to love it!

This post is dedicated to orangutans.