Today's induction has been a long time coming. Our inductee, Jody LaFerriere took the brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude steps to become a member of the UWHOF eleven months ago. That's when I received her pic and told her I'd be honored to enshrine her into the hall.

But then one month passed. And another. And then a few more, and still she hadn't been inducted. Seasons changed. Many famous celebrities died. The Red Sox won the World Series and a little girl named Miley posed semi-nude in Vanity Fair. And still no induction. What gives?

Well, I'd like to tell you that I was just busy with other things, like writing my book and playing video games, but I can't because that would be too honest and I'm not quite ready to reveal my deepest, darkest secrets to you just yet. So instead I'll tell you that the "real" reason Jody LaFerriere's induction has taken so long is a series of mishaps that ended with two dolphins colliding at Sea World.

The stuff that happened before the dolphin collision doesn't really matter now that there is a dead dolphin on our hands, so I won't waste your time getting into all those sordid scandals and failed telethons. A dead dolphin trumps everything. Let me say that I am sorry about the dolphins collision and the resulting death of one of the dolphins. Had I known this would happen I would have not asked Sea World to organize a dolphins show to honor Jody LaFerriere's induction to the Hall. I would have substituted a porpoise instead, or at the very least a sea lion. Sea lions die all the the time and nobody seems to care about it.

At any rate, the truth is it's really Jody's fault. Jody loves dolphins and because of that I organized the dolphins show for her. If Jody didn't love dolphins this never would have happened. So it's fair to blame everything on her and her love of dolphins. And just because I have no idea whether Jody actually loves Dolphins or not is not really pertinent to the discussion. No, I think what we've witnessed in the Democratic primary has proven that made up or deceptively embellished stories are much more important than the things that really matter.

So regardless of the truth, the show must go on. And even though she caused two dolphins to horrifically crash into one another, it wouldn't be right to deny Jody LaFerriere her UWHOF induction. Besides, she has been a long time reader of the Utter Wonder, and has a blog herself, which has been running for nearly twelve years now.

With that said, let's stare at our inductee's photo for a period no shorter than five-seconds.

One-Dead Flipper...

Two-Dead Flipper...

Three-Dead Flipper...

Four-Dead Flipper...

Five-Dead Flipper...

Well done! What do you think of Jody's photo? I think she looks great for somebody who appears to be on the other side of a prison's visiting room window. Doesn't she look like she's about to pick up the phone and tell us she never meant her love of dolphins to cause so much pain around the world? I think she does. Remorse is a beautiful thing. However, it's safe to say that we aren't quite ready to hear her apology, as we're all still in the angry and bitter stage of the grieving progress. So save your lies, Jody! Why couldn't you have loved sea lions instead?

On that note, I hereby officially induct Jody LaFerriere into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For her efforts, she has received a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. It's more than suitable for framing, as I'm sure she already has it up on display in her cell.

If you yourself would like to be a member of the Hall and are willing to wait for a period of one to eleven months for your induction, please send me a real photograph of yourself and you'll be well on your way to fair-to-middling blog fame.