Phew. I was worried there for a while. First the Holocaust, then AIDS, and then the Naked Cowboy's trademark gets infringed on by a Yellow M&M. What the hell is wrong with the world? Have we not learned anything about oppression and persecution? If a guitar-playing cowboy dressed in only his underwear can't be free then who can?

Nobody. That's why cowboy needs his money. $100 million is just a drop in the bucket for M&Ms. They're loaded and need to be put in their place. Those little fuckers have gotten away with way too much shit over the years. Plus think of all the good the Naked Cowboy would do with $100 million dollars. He'd do so much with it. Can't think of any example at the moment, but one can only assume that he would spend it wisely. He wouldn't waste it all on clothes at least.

Thank god for the Naked Cowboy. Without him, who else would stand up for the all the little girl and boy naked cowboys who one day hope to grow up to be adult naked cowboys? No, they'd probably have to grow up to become lame things, like social workers and teachers and clothed cowboys. But thanks to the Naked Cowboy and his penchant for litigation, all the children can still aspire to their dreams of walking around without their clothes on in Times Square, playing a guitar. The Naked Cowboy is a regular Mahatma Gandhi, except without the hunger strike. And dressed in cowboy boots and his underwear.

So please know, Naked Cowboy, that we are with you. You are a walking, talking, trademarked institution and we won't let stupid overrate candy mess with you. Keep singing your beautiful songs, NC! Keep singing your songs!

This post is dedicated to Rip Torn.