Finally, there's a fat person it's okay to make fun of. For years I have waited, with my tongue firmly bitten, to make fun of a fat person without remorse and today, thankfully, I can now live my dream. Mayra Lizbeth Rosales, my target fatty, is not only fat, but really, really, fat. Like 1,000 lbs fat. That's half a ton. I mean, if you took a thousands pounds of anything, like feathers or concrete or dental instruments it would weigh the same as Mayra Lizbeth Rosales. She's an enormous fat person. She's so fat she could lead a horse to water and then drink all of it herself. Ho! She's so fat that 6 is afraid of her because she 8-9. Word! She's so fat the dingo didn't eat her baby -- she did... holla. She's so fat that she can't be arraigned in court because she is too big to fit through the doorways of her house...which is actually true and kind of depressing because, let's face it, the story is pretty tragic already as is...yep.

Making fun of a fat person wasn't nearly as satisfying as I imagined it would be. Curses. You win again, fat people!

This post is dedicated to convection ovens.