Well, I did it: I released the fluid behind my toenails. Heated the tip of an unraveled paperclip and bore a whole through both my big nails. Sweet relief. Even better, my ear is starting to clear up, too. Now instead of Morley Safer telling me to cut myself, all I hear is Paul Williams singing Rufus and Chaka Khan covers. His version of "Tell Me Something Good" isn't great, but anything is better than Morley. Believe me.

Anyway, I'm just relieved the worst is behind me because tomorrow I go on vacation again. Taking a plane to Kansas City. It's the "City of Fountains," you know. I love fountains. They're so wet!

I'll be reporting from KC all week, so you can hold off kvetching about another vacation. After what I've gone through this week I deserve another ten vacations, let alone one.

I'm an inspiration to millions.

Have a nice weekend.

This post is dedicated to Manny.