It's back: the Hall of Fame that will not die no matter how many of my petty readers and family members write in to tell me that they are sick and tired of it. Today, the UWHOF welcomes a new brave and courageous and intestinal fortitudinal member into to its hallowed confines. And boy are its confines hallow. I dare you to find a blog hall of fame's confines that are more hallowed than my hall of fame's confines. You won't find one. That's why the AARP listed the UWHOF as the #792 best virtual place for oldies to visit.

But enough about how awesome my fake hall of fame is; it's time to honor today's brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude inductee. His name is Nick Kreuzman. Like past inductees, Nick says he "stumbled" upon Utter Wonder one day while "searching for some manner of obscure porn." I can't help but beam with pride at this. I mean, just think: he was looking for obscure porn yet was so struck by the awesomeness of my site that he put his porn search on the back burner so he could apply to become a member of the UWHOF. Wow. When I'm searching for obscure porn, I can't be swayed. I don't let anything distract me from my quest for obscure porn. That's because I am focused and driven and often very, very bored. You can't say the same about Nick Kreuzman, though. The guy is a freak of nature.

So let us now do like we always do for our inductees and stare at Nick's pic for at least five seconds. Begin!

One one-thousand..

Two one-thousand...

Three one-thousand...

Four one-thousand...

Five one-thousand...

Well done! Sow what do we think of Nick's photo? I don't think he looks like somebody who commonly searches for obscure porn at all. He's a man of many faces, really. That's why he wears one on his shirt, I guess. I wish I had a shirt like that. Not with his face on it, though; with mine. And it would have me fighting a polar bear or an anaconda. Wouldn't really matter what animal as long as it was big and fierce and made me look like some amazing animal slayer. God, that would be a sweet shirt. The very thought of it makes me so excited that I want to go and search for some obscure porn.

Alrighty, let's get on with it: I hereby officially induct Nick Kreuzman into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For his bravery and courage and intestinal blah-blah-blah, Nick will receive a signed copy of a fan letter I wrote Star Jones that's more than suitable for framing.

If you yourself would like to take time from searching for obscure porn and apply for the UWHOF, simply send me a real for god's honest truth pic of yourself and you'll soon be on your way to fair-to-middling blog fame.

This post is dedicated to adrenal glands.